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Q: I was around 7 when my brother n law started talking to me about sex and little kisses here and there began, the touching started around 10 or 11 and then all the way when i was 12,i told my sister a few years later when i was about 14, she promised she would not hate me and things between us would not change, we were so close even though she is more then 10yrs older, but she lied when i was 18 it finally came out to the whole family, and i was told to deal with it i couldn't stand to be around him, but they said deal with it.so i've tried, at his son's funeral i felt sorry for the bastard, i went to hug him and he held me tight and said do you know how many beautiful women have hugged me tonight god help me i thought i'd die.i;ve tried shrinks and its all still in my head, how do i get my sister to love me again?shes convinced it never happened, and i just want it all to go away, it has been over 15 yrs of hell, any advice much appreciated.
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My condolences on your ordeal, why would you want your sister to forgive you? What exactly did you do to be forgiven? It sounds like your sister is in denial and her husband suffers from serious character flaws. Either way the best way to seek peace in this matter is to first establish some strong boundaries between your sister and her husband, (don’t allowed your self to be re-victimized by their attitudes towards you) and forgive them both. Forgive your sister for erring on the side of ignorance, instead of looking out for your best interest and investigating the matter. Forgive your entire family for telling you to deal with it and forgive her husband for violating your innocence as a child. Forgiveness is not about denying the wrong that has been done to you, but acknowledging the wrong that has been done to you, the hurt you experienced from the wrong, and letting go of the hurt and pain caused to you. Give your self permission for your basic right to experience happiness as a human being. It also sounds like you have experienced some trauma for your ordeal as a child. I strongly suggest you look into seeking the services of a therapist, preferably one who specializes in EMDR, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing.
Good luck.
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bio
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Ugo is a licensed professional counselor in Arizona. He holds a Bachelors in Psychology and a Masters of Science in Counseling Psychology. He is also the host of Road 2 Resolutions, a web site dedicated to addressing questions on mental health issues and conflict resolution issues.
Please visit Road2Resolutions.com for more questions and monthly newsletters.
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Info
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Website: E-mail: Gender: Male Location: (Originally) Nigeria (Currently) Arizona Occupation: Psychotherapist Member Since: January 28, 2008 Answers: 73 Last Update: May 25, 2012 Visitors: 7338
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