Hi, I call myself Ignatz after Dan Herriman's character in the old "Krazy Kat" comic strip. I'm 44, father of 3, husband to one, crazy about music and books and food and movies and history and martial arts. I've had some wild and crazy times in my life, and I figure I might as well put in some of my perspective.
I promise not to talk down to anyone or make fun,and I promise not to BS anyone. If you're old enough to ask a frank question, you're old enough to get a frank answer. Oh, and if you ask me a question directly, please be patient. I'll get back to you as soon as I can. My life's a bit hectic. :-)
Gender: Male
Location: St. Louis, MO
Occupation: Professional dad
Age: 44
Member Since: October 29, 2007
Answers: 328
Last Update: January 23, 2015
Visitors: 35689
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No, not on the playground.
Before my husband and I were married (we are going on 9 years now), we had a very different relationship. We had been together in high school, then apart for 3 years. During that time, I discovered a sexual side of myself that I loved. When we got back together, I made sure he knew that part of me. He loved it too. I'm a bisexual submissive and he knew how to dominate me. On occasion, we would play with others. He'd let other people whip or spank me with no issues. We toyed with another young woman. Then, we got married and had a baby (he's 8 now)and it all seems to have gone away. And it wasn't gradual either. I got depressed, and still am. I think a lot of it has to do with feeling like I have to suppress who I am because of the way things have changed.
I've been working on getting past my depression. That led to finding what I need/want. I want at least a bit of our old relationship back. And that includes involving others. I love the feeling of him being in control, even when someone else is with me.
I want to try swinging, even just once to see if it is really what I want. How do I bring this up to DH without causing a problem? It isn't that I feel he is inadequate, but I am afraid it will sound like I do. Also, if he does take to the idea, what would be the next step? I don't have anyone in mind. How would I find a good couple to be with?
*Note - If you would say that I should not be considering this at all 'cause I'm married, or that I am wrong for being bisexual, please don't answer. That doesn't answer my question at all and will get a low rating as a result. (link)
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A question: what is the more thrilling, being with someone aside from your husband, or having your husband control you? For someone of my acquaintance, the big thrill was thinking of herself as completely her husband's posession, someone that he could loan out like a plaything.
Has your sex life gone completely vanilla, or are you still playing games? You might want to arrange a 'fun and games' weekend - ship your son off to Camp Grandma, unpack the toys and the Depeche Mode CDs, and have some fun. I bet he misses the old days too.
On the subject of threesomes/ polyamory, that can be a bit more touchy. Does he consider your old life something that responsible married people don't do? Is he afraid your son will find out and misunderstand? Is he afraid you'll leave him for someone else? This is all stuff that you both would have to address. Obviously, you both deserve to have a satisfying sex life, but not at the expense of the other's needs. I'd arrange the fun and games weekend before the big talk, just to give him a taste of what he gave up.
Hope this helps.
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Rating: 5
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I think this is the best answer I've gotten so far. Thank you!
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