Hey!
I live in Canada and I'm teen. I've been through a lot of stuff with my friends over the last few years and I always try to give my insight into their problems (sometimes even when they don't really want it lol).
I've realized that over time I have accumulated a lot of questions about moving on, so if you have a question about that, lay it on me!!
I don't think that ratings matter, and that you should choose someone to trust your question with, that will answer it with care, but show you what the world really is and wont sugar coat it.
I hope you guys find my advice helps, hope to talk soon!! :D
Angie
E-mail: princess_in_pink723@hotmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: Canada
Age: 16
MSN: princess_in_pink723@hotmail.com
Member Since: September 9, 2006
Answers: 465
Last Update: February 20, 2010
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My son is dating a girl who, I feel, is very spoiled by all the material blessings that have been bestowed on her lately (a new BMW, a $l,700 ring from her Dad, A Birthday party with a limousine and dinner for l5). It's not so much the fact that she has received these things, but, that there have been big changes in her personalilty because of it.
I was doing her nails (I am a nail technician) and after l0 minutes of hearing all about this extravagant party and the limo and the ring her dad was about to buy her, I kind of "got all over her case" about how she would feel if her and my son ended up together someday and he could not provide all the material things that she so loves for her. My husband and I are people who live paycheck to paycheck and these things big presents are not something we can do. I guess that is why I started talking to her about this, because it bothers me that we cannot provide all this materialism for our sons. We also had just gone through a legal crisis involving my older son who got into a situation where he was accused of doing something he did not do and was arrested for. It cost us $l3,000 to get a lawyer. The case was dismissed, but the bill still stays the same. So, I guess this is why I came down sort of hard on her, because I basically said that she was spoiled to her. It seems to me that all she cares about are her designer bags or shoes or her horse, or her car or her jewelry. Maybe because it came all at once it seems to be so much. Like I said, it's not the stuff as much as it is her attitute since she got all of this. She got mad because my son couldn't get her a $200 handbag for Christmas.
My saying something to her was proably wrong, but I am concerned for my son. I also feel guilty in a lot of ways because I can't be as generous to my children. But, I don't want him to be in a situation that will make him unhappy where he has to cater to her material whims. She is really bossy and pushy with him. Everything has to be her way no way.
I know I should keep my opinions to myself, but it is too late, I already told him how I feel. Then the worst happend...my son did not hang up the phone when I was talking to him about her and she heard me say that the "last car accident she was in could have been avoided if she had more experience". She had two accidents last year 6 months apart and totalled both cars. Both technically not her fault. I could be wrong, but it was just an opinion.
I feel bad about saying things about her to him, but, I can't help feeling this way. I know I cannot fix this can I. They have been dating two years. I don't want them to break up. I just wish she would go back to the sweet person she was when we met her two years ago.
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Hey!
well I think that you should just think about all of this for a second. You can not change people, so no matter how much you talk about it, she isnt going to one day be less "spoiled" or less "Materialistic". No matter how often you tell her how you feel she isnt going to change, shes just going to hate you. No matter how much you voice your opinion to your son, he is not going to change the way he feels about her.
So were you wrong interfering? yes. its their life, and as much as you love your son and want the best for him, he thinks she is best for him so you either have to be happy for him or accept that this is his choice.
So how do you keep your opinions to your self? well first off, before you ever open your mouth to say something think of the classic saying: "if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all". It may be something you would tell your son, but sometimes we can benefit from our own advice. and second think of how she is going to take what ever you are going to say. sure there isnt always a lot of time to think about this kind of stuff, but think before you speak. think, is there any way she could take this the wrong way. and finally, think of how you would feel if she was saying this same thing about you. if it would hurt you, then dont say it. treat people the way you want to be treated.
remember, this is the girl your son loves, theres got to be something great about her.
I think that the best way to respond to this situation and move on, is to apologize for anything you have said. Even if you dont feel like its your fault, be the big person, you're a mother, you can bring yourself to be strong.
I hope that you can mend the relationship between her and you, before it gets unbareable. I also hope that I helped, but let me know if there is anything else I can help you with. Good luck, lots of love,
angie91
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Rating: 5
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Thanks, you are absolutely right as I realized when I was writing this down. I will do the "big" thing. Thanks for resonding. Roxiann
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