Hi, I call myself Ignatz after Dan Herriman's character in the old "Krazy Kat" comic strip. I'm 44, father of 3, husband to one, crazy about music and books and food and movies and history and martial arts. I've had some wild and crazy times in my life, and I figure I might as well put in some of my perspective.
I promise not to talk down to anyone or make fun,and I promise not to BS anyone. If you're old enough to ask a frank question, you're old enough to get a frank answer. Oh, and if you ask me a question directly, please be patient. I'll get back to you as soon as I can. My life's a bit hectic. :-)
Gender: Male
Location: St. Louis, MO
Occupation: Professional dad
Age: 44
Member Since: October 29, 2007
Answers: 328
Last Update: January 23, 2015
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Okay this is hard for me to do because usually im the one giving the advice. But i guess there comes a time when every advice columnist needs some advice from someone else. I've been married for 2 years and when my husband and i got together i liked to watch porn and he said he hated it. He would never watch it with me and he would always say that it didnt interest him. Several times now i have found porn sites on our computer and i confronted him about it. He says that he was looking for ideas for our sex life. But its like sex story sites and one is a naughty friends site. So recently i found more on there after he says he wouldnt do it anymore. They are pretty much the same sites but one new one is daily jack off stories. I really dont know if i should say something about it or not. He always gets mad when i bring it up. so i dont know if i should risk the fighting. I also have to put in that in the past he would chat with other girls sexually. But i do have to say that he told them he was married. I know for sure that he didnt call them baby or tell them he loved them or anything like that but that time he said he was role playing and getting ideas. So is he lying to me about it or is he really looking for new things for our sex life? Please give me your honest advice as i am honest with the people i give advice to.
Signed....
I think my husband lies about porn!!!! (link)
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Geez, I feel like Dan Savage right now.
When he said he didn't like porn, he may have been trying to come across as an enlightened, sensitive guy in order to impress you. Either that, or else he thought you might consider him a complete freak because of his tastes. The chatting with other women is something of a concern: even if he says he's married, that doesn't mean it's OK, unless you have specifically approved it. (I have some polyamorous friends, and that's the rule they use. As long as everybody knows and is OK with it, go do who and what you like.) He may be getting off on the fantasy of being a single guy again. If you're not cool with it, he needs to stop.
Is his consumption of porn affecting your sex life? Are you unhappy with the way things are going? Does he spend more time one-handed surfing than he does with you? If not, then I wouldn't worry too much about him using porn per se. If him looking at porn doesn't bother you, then tell him, so he doesn't have to make promises to you that he won't/can't keep.
You definitely need to sit down and lay out some ground rules. But start off with a positive experience: "Look, I know you like porn, so do I, so let's check some stuff out together." After you've recovered from the experience, then you can get into the nitty-gritty. Lying is not cool, chatting with other women is not cool, the stuff involving balloon animals is definitely not cool, whatever you two decide.
Hope this helps.
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Rating: 3
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Thank you for your advice.... I dont want him looking at it and it does hurt that he lied to me about it. thanks for your helf
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