Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
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So in July of this year, my parents found out that me and my boyfriend had sex. But we lied about it for a few days but then i finally told my parents the truth because my dad threatened to but my boyfriend in jail. Im only 14. And hes 18. I know thats really bad, but i dont care about age. Especially now. We're supose to be going to court for this and have the judge decide what should happen, him going to jail for a few years, or probation, or even a restraining order. I dont want any of that to happen. I seriously love this guy. I dont care what my parents say, or think of it. I love him and I want to be with him! I love his family and his family love me, well right now they're are still kinda mad but they told me that they still love me, no matter what. So basically we are still together, but to my parents, we aren't. Every day, I miss him even more, there isn't one second that im not thinking about him. I cry myself to sleep, Im depressed, lonely, and hurt. I want to go to counseling but im afraid to tell my parents because they think im over him completely. But im not, I never will be. I never will forgive my parents about this, they ruined my life, my heart, and my trust. But lately its getting really bad. My depression. I don't have anyone really to talk to about this. Only his sister and two of my best friends. I know they can't help me, but at least they listen. I don' know what to do anymore, i know i can't move on. I've tried before, never worked. I don't want to live with my parnets anymore because i just keep things from them all the time, I want to be somewhere that i can actually express how i feel. And when i need to cry, ill cry instead of just letting it build up inside all day long and then crying myself to sleep at night. I just hope and wish that ill get a nice judge who will understand how we feel. I dont care that im 14 and i think im in love. I know i am. And if u say im not, then I DONT CARE. Because honestly, no one really knows how i truely feel about him, maybe 3 people, but they only know a little.
Anyways, I honestly don't know what to do anymore. (link)
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Well I have to be honest with you. It is too bad that as you say "you don't care about age" because that is how you and your boyfriend got into this mess. And it is a real big mess, for him. You have no idea. Wait until you get to court, they don't even have to let you in, it may not matter at all that you say it was consensual. The judge can find your boyfriend guilty of statutory rape. And if you don't know what that is, that again is proof that you are too young to be engaging in sex. You say you love this boy, but by having sex with him, you have jeopardized him for the rest of his life. He may have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life. That means it will affect where he lives, and where he works for the rest of his life. He will be paying for your mistakes for the rest of his life. It is too bad that the two of you couldn't wait until you were 16. That would have been the mature thing to do, and it could have saved your relationship.
And now you are mad at your parents. You blame them for ruining your life and your relationship. They may have had a hand in it by not giving you enough information to make informed decision about being intimate with a boy at your age, but you made the decision to have sex. YOu say you know that it is really bad that there are 4 years difference between you and him, but you went ahead anyway. It is not OK for you to wish that you get a nice judge then sit around and feel sorry for yourself. You brought this all on yourself. You and your boyfriend too. He should have known better. I have to sons who are both over 18, and I tell them often, to never ever date anyone under 16. NEVER. Years ago young kids waited longer to have intimiate relationship. Now every young person can wait to have sex so they can feel grown up and in love, but this is what comes of young kids who get involved before they are mature enough to handle all the responsibilities that go along with intimacy. YOu need to stay away from that boy until you are 16. You need to not have sexual relationships with any other boy until you are 16, so that you don't end up in this same spot again. Please try to understand, I do sympathise with you. I just see that it could all have been avoided if your parents emphazied to you the importance of waiting. And if you could tell the difference from realling being in love and just being lonely and wanting to be held. But there are many adults who can't tell the difference in that, but at least they don;t end up in court. Sixteen is the magic age in most states. Please keep that in mind, and try to learn from this. It will be less painful.
Think of how that boy must be feeling, he is the one who may be going to jail. And I hope your parents are feeling guilty too. But regardless of how you feel about them right now, you still need them. I hope you all get through this, and learn from it. That is what painful lessons are for. Good luck to you
Michele
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Rating: 4
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how is 16 gonna change anything? i thought i have to be 18 for this relationship to not be illegal anymore.
i know at the age of 16 i can go to court and emancipate myself or whatever.
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