Hi, I call myself Ignatz after Dan Herriman's character in the old "Krazy Kat" comic strip. I'm 44, father of 3, husband to one, crazy about music and books and food and movies and history and martial arts. I've had some wild and crazy times in my life, and I figure I might as well put in some of my perspective.
I promise not to talk down to anyone or make fun,and I promise not to BS anyone. If you're old enough to ask a frank question, you're old enough to get a frank answer. Oh, and if you ask me a question directly, please be patient. I'll get back to you as soon as I can. My life's a bit hectic. :-)
Gender: Male
Location: St. Louis, MO
Occupation: Professional dad
Age: 44
Member Since: October 29, 2007
Answers: 328
Last Update: January 23, 2015
Visitors: 35694
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20/f My little sister died eight months ago and all but one of my friends in college completely failed me. They continued to spend most of our time together talking about and doing things I couldn't participate in. They often played violent video games when I was in the room even though I told them how much it bothered me (and they weren't playing when I eneterd the room). They even criticized how I was grieving and got mad at me for being a killjoy. I have spoken with them over a dozen times about how their behavior often excludes me or just makes me feel worse. I know it's selfish, but I wanted to be the center of attention for a little while, while I healed from my tragic loss- but they refuse.
I am moving away soon, and would really like to forget most of them and never return. Only, two of them are getting married soon and I have been asked to be a bridesmaid. The only other bridesmaid is the bride's 17y/o sister who has no money and is very irresponsible. I would pretty much be on my own for planning the bridal shower and bachelorette party and I would be doing it from far away. This would take a lot of time, energy and money. I really don't feel like putting in any work for her- but I still would like to attend the wedding as I've never been to one and would like to see the one friend who went above and beyond to support me during my time of need.
I'm not normally this selfish. But the bride-to-be has treated me awfully. At this point I don't even care about her. She's getting married because she was pregnant (miscarried though, after knowing about the child for two weeks). She's only dated this guy for six months. And she's annoying and stupid. She doesn't know how much I dislike her because I see no point in intentionally hurting her.
Should I suck it up and help her anyway? Is there a polite way to refuse being a bridesmaid, but still be invited to the wedding? Or should I not go since my only motives are selfish? (link)
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In your place, I would politely decline. It seems that you're being thrust into the maid of honor role, whether you like it or not. It's difficult enough to do all that planning for someone you really care about. For someone you don't like much, it's a severe headache in the making. Add the distance factor and you might as well put your head in a vice. :-)
There is a pretty good chance you'll still be invited to the wedding, though you might not. I wouldn't lose much sleep over it. There will be other weddings, as you and your friends get older. Give it a couple of years. It sounds like a change of scenery will do you some good too.
Hope this helps.
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Rating: 5
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Thanks for being so understanding. Good advice.
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