About ninamarie
hello, my name is nina. i am 21yrs old, and i have lots to share with you. i have been through most of what people ask here, and what i haven't been through, i have enough compassion and understanding to help you with your problems. i love to volenteer, and i love to help people. my modo is "love finds those who take their time in searching." i also am a believer in God, but i do have a balence, i am very open and understanding to all situations, and i never judge. if you would like to get to know me more, just email me. enjoy life, forgive others, and keep smiling.
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E-mail: crzychk17@aol.com
Gender: Female
Occupation: songwriter
Age: 20
AIM: crzychk17
Member Since: September 12, 2007
Answers: 39
Last Update: May 25, 2008
Visitors: 5904
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i feel soooooo lonely.... i have, or had friends... but "my" values don't let me have any. outside people are strictly for formal favors and contacts u c.. but that is besides the point. imagine if you couldn't make any friends or you live on an island with a wild donkey or jackass. you can't talk to them you can't tame them and you u surely can't eat them.....
i am so alone and so many things are running in my mind and it hurts so much. and everyday i discover a small piece of glass in my hart that is pricking harder and harder.
my grandfather died yesterday... and i really love my parents but they and i don't get along.
i am hurting so much i feel like committing suicide in fact that is precisely what i need to do right now.
i can't keep things bottled anymore or else i would die a slow and morbid death.............. when i was a child i was capable of bottling years and years of shit... and now i can't control it its either thoughts of death takeover to get rid of those voices in my head or i just tell the world all the things i shouldn't be saying to shut those voices up..........
yesterday i was dancing to a song by nickodemus... and yesterday my grandfather died... but its not because he died i danced. usually i'm like that... one day i am happy and dancing and hyper and the next day i am about to throw myself off of a building... i get so sad when i am alone... because those voices arrive.... even if the jackass is the only option of not staying alone, i'd rather him run over me than those voices... and that jackass killed all the other prettier animals that i loved and left me there with it... i don't know why... am i a jackass too? like don't kill like...
i hate myself, i can't live with it... i do things i am not supposed to.. i have sexual urges i can't repress and i've never been intimate....and i don't want to.... i pick things that are "not fit for" me.... always things that are "beneath me" or out of reach.... i really feel alone and ugly from the inside.. i am want to throw up the puss... i need to cry... this is the millionth question i've asked...
but no one gets how it is... i can't find the damn answer i am looking for... but still i rate 5 to be nice to those who give a damn...
i am really feeling bad...
please someone just for a minute.... my heart is covered in shreds of glass.....
i hate myself. i hate the voices in my head. help...
honestly, keeping all your feelings bottled up inside tends to catch up with you. if you truely are having thoughts of ending your life you need to go to the hospital. i am not trying to make you feel bad. in fact, i also have gone through a time where i tried to kill myself. all i wanted to do is end the pain. but God didn't let me die. i lived. and amediatly i began to relize that nothing in this world is worth killing yourself over. i know you feel like you have been let down, many times. i know you feel alone. like everyone in your life dissapointed you in somehow. the truth is, you are never alon. God is there, and he loves you. And he is your friend, and will never leave your side. it is hard to have faith when you feel you have nothing left. pray to God how you feel. it is not selfish to pray about person things. he is your friend. you can talk to him about anything. and i will be your friend to. all you have to do is write to me anytime you want on here. i will be your friend. you are not alone in this world. i know exacly what you are going through. dig deep inside your heart, agnore the voices in your head, that is just the devil, but God's voice is louder. he can scrape the glass out of your heart, and heal it with comfort and peace. But he has a purpose for you, and it isn't death. you are not worthless. you are amazing person with true feelings and emotion. don't give up. please, don't harm yourself, love yourself. because you are definitly worth loving. and God has people out there who will love you in return. so keep praying, keep fighting, know that God loves you, and try to keep smiling.
nina :)
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(Rating: 5)
two days ago... i was trembling ... but i forced my self and ignored the embarrassment of walking through those doors... i went to the counseling center... and i took an appointment... i was given a chance...
........"the devil"............
i'm still alive...... thank you
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