|
|
i feel soooooo lonely.... i have, or had friends... but "my" values don't let me have any. outside people are strictly for formal favors and contacts u c.. but that is besides the point. imagine if you couldn't make any friends or you live on an island with a wild donkey or jackass. you can't talk to them you can't tame them and you u surely can't eat them.....
i am so alone and so many things are running in my mind and it hurts so much. and everyday i discover a small piece of glass in my hart that is pricking harder and harder.
my grandfather died yesterday... and i really love my parents but they and i don't get along.
i am hurting so much i feel like committing suicide in fact that is precisely what i need to do right now.
i can't keep things bottled anymore or else i would die a slow and morbid death.............. when i was a child i was capable of bottling years and years of shit... and now i can't control it its either thoughts of death takeover to get rid of those voices in my head or i just tell the world all the things i shouldn't be saying to shut those voices up..........
yesterday i was dancing to a song by nickodemus... and yesterday my grandfather died... but its not because he died i danced. usually i'm like that... one day i am happy and dancing and hyper and the next day i am about to throw myself off of a building... i get so sad when i am alone... because those voices arrive.... even if the jackass is the only option of not staying alone, i'd rather him run over me than those voices... and that jackass killed all the other prettier animals that i loved and left me there with it... i don't know why... am i a jackass too? like don't kill like...
i hate myself, i can't live with it... i do things i am not supposed to.. i have sexual urges i can't repress and i've never been intimate....and i don't want to.... i pick things that are "not fit for" me.... always things that are "beneath me" or out of reach.... i really feel alone and ugly from the inside.. i am want to throw up the puss... i need to cry... this is the millionth question i've asked...
but no one gets how it is... i can't find the damn answer i am looking for... but still i rate 5 to be nice to those who give a damn...
i am really feeling bad...
please someone just for a minute.... my heart is covered in shreds of glass.....
i hate myself. i hate the voices in my head. help...
i wish there were more important questions like this one. i don't know if i'll ever be able to help you, but i'd love to try and get through. i'm sorry to be the millionth person to tell you this, but going to a therapist or something of the sort IS the best solution, not suicide. i say this because i'm doing so myself, and just the thought and the probability of ever being happy and normal like others, and above all, the curiosity, makes me not want to give up. i know it sucks that you still haven't found the answer to your question, but better yet, focus on finding a solution. i'm ready and willing to talk about your problems whenever you want, if you want. just ask a question to my inbox and i can tell you where to reach me. i just hope you take my word for it: seek medical attention. don't let embarrassment or lack of hope and/or motivation keep you from happiness. hope i helped
[view]
(Rating: 5)
two days ago... i was trembling ... but i forced my self and ignored the embarrassment of walking through those doors... i went to the counseling center... and i took an appointment...
"the curiosity"
i'm still alive...... thank you
| |
