about

Hi everyone! My pen name is Hannah and I am a 17-year-old girl. I like languages, friends, cats, and many other things. I really love giving advice, and I am studying psychology now. My favorite questions have to do with mental health. As I said above, I am taking psychology classes now, but I also do a lot of outside research, so chances are that if you say something to me about a disorder or anything like that, I will know what you are talking about. Although I am not a licensed psychologist, I hope to someday be one and I would love to get some practice here.

Also, if you ever have a problem and you like my advice and would like to talk with me, I have many messenger services so I would be more than happy to set up a time to talk with you about whatever you need.

I hope to here from you soon!

advice

I love my boyfriend to death, but he always goes from being nice and sweet, to an a**hole at the drop of a hat. We've been going out for two years so i know what gets to him, so im always avoiding saying or doing thingsthings so he doesn't blow up at me. He gets really mad and throws tantrums and throws things or swears and takes all of the frustration out on me. Like today for instance, we had a really great day, and then i went over his house to help him make a posterboard of pictures for his dads upcoming party, and everything was fine until i told him that a spot where he put a picture didn't look right, and he gets mad. he flings the pictures to the ground, and says "hes done" and "i can do the f**king thing by myself." He gets mad over the stupidest things, really. I finished it without him, when it wasn't even my own dad, and i cleaned up his mess, because i didnt want to start anything else. Bad example maybe. But there has been times when he has literally punched walls, flipped coffee tables, threw whatever object was around, just screams and up and leaves, and i get scared.

I always feel like a bad girlfriend in the end. And i shouldn't because i do so much for him, and hes just unappreciative. He makes me feel so low of myself sometimes. He always ends up apologizing, but im getting sick of the same old thing. He always says hes sorry, and that hes gonna work on his anger, and that he loves me, but i dont even know if i can believe it anymore. I love him, a lot, but i dont want his anger to get to the point where he begins to physically take it out on me, because it's hit emotionally & verbally already. Like what do i do? Some days i just want to end it [whenever he's acting like this], and some days i dont want to because i love him. its really hard. i try talking to him, but he gets mad. Go figure. Any advice? Open for anything. Please.

Hi,

Please, whatever you do, don't take it out on yourself. You are a wonderful person. You sound very caring and smart. It seems like you just want to do the right thing and not cause any trouble. I can't emphasize how important it is to remember that you did nothing wrong. This isn't your fault, and this isn't even about you. It is about your boyfriend, no one else.

I know you love him, don't be angry at yourself for that either. People fall in love with people that aren't compatible with them or not good for them at all. You can't help who you fall in love with, so don't b angry with yourself.

In your heading you put "bi-polar, ey?." It is possible, but another possbility is anger management problems. These things happen as a result of childhood, mostly, along with experiences in life. They take their anger out on people and things that have nothing to do with what caused the problem. But what specifically is wrong with him is not the main concern right now. The main concern is your safety.

You might not want to hear this, and I know it sounds cliche, but you really do need to tell your parents about this. Even though your boyfriend hasn't hurt you physically, as you said, it could become that way if this continues. You parents need to know that danger.

These things usually go step-by-step. The person starts small, with little outbursts of anger. It progresses until throwing objects, insults, and other emotional abuse happens. Finally, physical abuse is a possibility. You need to get help now before that happens.

If you don't feel comfortable telling your parents because you feel ashamed, tell a school counselor or a close friend. Tell them to tell your parents for you. Either way, you need to get the help.

I know it's scary, and I know you love him. But you need to end the relationship. Do not do this in a private place. Do it in the daytime and in a public place with lots of people. Have your parents be near you, but not too close (so you can say things by yourself). I know this might be confusing, so I'll give an example. You could tell your boyfriend to meet you at a popular restaurant for lunch. Have your parents be sitting at a table there, even if it is across the restaurant. You don't need them to be sitting at the table with you, most people prefer not to do it that way. But you should have someone there who can watch and make sure that nothing goes wrong. Tell him that no one did anything wrong, it's just time to move on. I don't think that it is a good idea to talk about his anger, because it might make him more angry to the point where he is threatening you. If that happens, you need to go to the police.

I know this all seems hard because you love him, but this is one of those times where you need to think about yourself and your safety, and not how this will affect your boyfriend.

Again, always remember not to feel like you are a bad girlfriend or that you caused the problem.

Here are some websites that offer more information that might help you:

http://www.acadv.org/dating.html

http://www.safeyouth.org/scripts/teens/dating.asp

http://www.loveisnotabuse.com/

http://www.brown.edu/Student_Services/Support/Dating_Abuse

I hope everything works out alright for you, and if you ever want to talk, feel free to send me a message anytime. :)

-Hannah

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(Rating: 5) thank you, a lot. i will take your advice to heart.
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