Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
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Ok, well my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We love each other very much, but there's always been this one problem. He's really cute and funny, so he constantly has girls hanging all over him. Even right in front of me. And he's always telling me about different girls calling him, or flirting with him, or saying they like him. I don't think he's telling me this to make me jealous... he's just telling me to tell me. And I guess I'm glad he's honest about it, but it still always makes me mad. Because I'm not always so sure that he isn't instigating it somehow, or flirting back a bit.
There have been times that guys have flirted with me, or said I was hot or whatever, but never in front of my boyfriend. And I've never mentioned it to him, because I know how bad it feels and why should I upset him? So I've just kept it to myself.
Well anyway... the other day we were at this party and these two guys were hitting on me big time, right in front of him. At first he was really mad... then he got kinda insecure, and kept asking if I still love him. And he said now he knows how I feel when girls flirt with him. And then he started acting REALLY nice, telling me how much he loves me and never wants to lose me, bringing me flowers, etc. It was awesome!! It was like suddenly he realized that other guys might want to go out with me, so he better keep on his toes!
Well, school's about to start again, and I want him to remember this! So I'm wondering... if guys ever flirt with me, should I tell my boyfriend? Should I encourage guys to flirt with me a little bit in front of my boyfriend, and if so, how can I do that without acting like a slut? Because my only goal here is to remind my boyfriend how it feels, so he'll be more thoughtful of my feelings when girls start flirting with him. (link)
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Now you are being controlling. And you should stop.
This whole thing came about quite naturally. He had girls hitting on him, you kept quiet about it even though it bothered you. When he saw it happening to you, he suddenly realized how it felt to have the "shoe on the other foot". And he promised never to do it again. So you two are in a good place. YOu have a mutually respectful and loving relationship based on honesty. If you start manipulating things to get a response out of him, he is going to figure it out, and he is going to be really dissapointed in you. It has the potential to ruin your relationship. If it is going to happen again, let it happen naturally, don't look to force the issue. You'll be sorry. He'll find it hard to trust you again. YOu can ruin a relationship with things other than cheating you know. Manipulation is a BIG TURN OFF.
I hope this makes sense to you, and you choose not to follow that path.
Michele
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