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ok so basically i am arab female. some of the stereotypes of not being as "liberated" as the women of the west do apply to this question and my circumstances:
well i am not supposed to have a boyfriend ...etc. its in my culture. and i never did! and i am totally fine with that.....but i lied...... i told my new "friends" when i moved towns that i did just to fit in and not seem like a weirdo (since i moved countries) .... it made me look wiser and more experienced... and well... liked.....thing is i regret lying about that and i don't know what to do.
if i tell my friends they'll be in shock coz they trusted me. i'll look like a stupid fraud (i know i know... who cares what people say).... and if i didn't somehow i know it'll get to my mother and father. if i tell them first no education -period- for me.
aside from those lies i hung out with a crowd that in my home country would be considered bad and unacceptable... oh and it included guys....now if i dealt with them in a different way i could have still saved the friendship... but since i kind of ignored the "rules" and bent them a bit ... well i sorta regret the image i created for myself... if my mom and dad find out i am gunna look like (in their eyes) a slut who accepts anything, a lier, irresponsible, careless, stupid, and not raised well..... a disappointment....
before anything though, i must say that really i feel guilty SOOO much that i am planning on leaving my life long dream in a philosophy major (since that is where that bad influence according to mom and dad is coming from) and am willing to reconstruct my image.... it hurts so much to leave the major but i guess i deserve this.... i should have seen it coming....
the problem is my brother and sisters know about this (i don't know how much they know or how...) and they don't believe a word i say anymore because of all the lies (i brought this onto my self i deserve this ) so my brother is sacrificing a great chance in building his career to come and live with me and sister so that to ensure i don't cause myself a destruction of my future and get us all sent back without a n edu (i feel like crap)....
my question: how can i keep my friends but restore all the limits and values i had eliminated, one? and prevent them from saying anything (they won't intentionally... but thinking as it is normal to them its normal to mention me and stuff and i am afraid within the community it;ll get to my family...) and two how can i prove myself to my family and fix what i can from the damage.... i really screwed up. and pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee don't tell me talk to my mum and dad it will not work,wher i come from talking to higher figures of authority is not conceivable..... and with my sibs they totally understand what i have to say but again its not enough to show them that i understand what i did..... i really want things to go back to normal... how do i get things back!!
i am doomed right??? :S :S :S :S :S :S (link)
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haha,You arent doomed.
Im muslim and also i hate taht whole liberated thing but what can we do,People have their opinion on things and realy dont care what "we" think us being the ones who are supposedly "not liberated" i think we should be able to say if we are or arnet.. but on to the important issues. Ok as an arab i completely understand your parents not understanding and i know talking doesnt work,ive seen so much things like this and there was a point where I myself was also the "Disappoinment" But this is how your gona save yourself.
First of all.Go to your friends and explain this to them.Say you had somethin on your mind that you cant get out of your head.And that you cannot stand lieing to them.Say "Look i never had any boyfriend,I said taht cuz im new and i kind of didnt kno what exctly to say i thought if i said i did you guys wud accpet me more,But i noticed you guys wouldnt accept me do to if i had a boyfriend or not because friendships arent based on the past relationships one had, But its all about the personality,Im realy sorry for lieng to you guys but i assure you this is like seriously the last time to lie cause i cudnt even stand lieing now! i was dieing inside and i had to let it out!"
Your parents.its easy change.Pray more,read quran you need to talk alot about feeling this change in you,and realy feel the change if you want to change you need to Ask God for the change,SO you need to say that your feeling this change randomly suggest doin these arab things,Get closer to your mom.Say that you just want to talk.DO NOt keep things from her.Or atleast let her think you dont.Once in awhile tell her a secret.Shell feel like the special parent and youl have atleast a backbone from the parent side.And dads are way over protective so you need to be able to make him trust you more.STop bending the rules for now atleast and show that you grown up.If you realy do feel guilty then you will do anything to make this better.
Your family will see this change in time but on another note.Donot let yuor brother reuin his dreams thats not good,Just because of a mistake you did PEOPLE NEEED to make mistakes your human and if they dont understand that and wont listen then your gona need to scream it out THAT PEOPLE HAVE TO MAKE MISTAKES TO LEARN! AND YOU LEARNED!!...You can take care of yourself if your able to beg for help then youll be able to take the advice givin.
Just please tell me how it goes ok.
Take care!!
Bye
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Rating: 5
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thank you so much!
i tried talking to my friends.... but they ignored my emails since i am back home for summer. and one of them is a sure gossip too :( so i am sure he'll be telling .... i am afraid wot he'll say will get to my parents!
as for my parents i screwed up big time my sibs found out more of what i did. my younger sister who is a serious 7anbaliaya! told them everything! but because they wer so shocked i convinced them (like my friends) that it is a lie :( that i only said that to impress....... so now i am caught in a big look of lies! i have no clue what to do! i really do feel remorse and i am willing to go back to the path of allah!!! but i screwed up! and i dnt care i loose my friends as much as i am afraid they will talk or say something about how i was! i dont want to get into another problem .... i am getting engaged soon and naturally the fiance will do some snooping about me so i am aafraid he will find out! i have no idea what to dooo!!!
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