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February 18, 2007Answers:
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March 2, 2010Visitors:
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one of my best friends, Amanda, has this pretty serious boyfriend. they love eachother, but the thing is.. he's not that good of a boyfriend. he can be sweet, but also can get mad at her alot. we used to be friends (me & him), but we grew apart for dumb reasons. that's not even it though.. they're talking about MARRYING eachother and going to the same collage. we're in 10th grade! ughhh.. i mean, could this just be talk? she's starting to hang out with him alot, and loose some of her friends.. and plus, he puts her in bad moods when he treats her badly (which is like, 50% of the time). i can't talk to her about it beacuse i'm the one that kind of got them together and everything. i just want them to break up soon, and i feel bad for thinking that!! =[ what should i do?
1. They may be TALKING about attending the same college and getting married... But chances are that they won't. Try not to worry too much about it. If that does happen there isn't much you could do about it anyway.
2. I'm sorry that this relationship is affecting your friend in a negative way. And I understand that you want to help. But your friend is going to do whatever she wants to do; even if you try to give her sound advice and talk her out of it. You may just have to take a step back and watch her bang her head up against the wall. I know it sucks, but sometimes... That's all you can do. Besides stick around to help her pick up the pieces when she and this guy are over.
What you can do is make one last attempt to talk to her about the situation and let her know you feel. So what if you're the person that got them together? She's your friend, and you have every right to tell her if you're worried about her. Tell her that you've noticed that she's changed (hanging around with his friends, losing her friends, in a bad mood, etc.) and let her know that you are concerned. Try to be direct and honest, but make sure that you don't make her feel like you are trying to "attack" her, her boyfriend, or her relationship. I can't tell you what she'll say. She may get angry, but if she's really your friend she'll get over it.
3. They are pulling you into the middle of their arguements and that is unfair... What's more, you have every right to say so. Again be direct and honest but don't let them think you're attacking them. Tell them that you understand that every relationship has obstacles... And that they may need to discuss their emotions with their friends sometimes. However, if they are having problems with each other they should talk about those problems amongst themselves. Let them know that being drawn into their arguements makes you feel uncomfortable and you would appreciate it if they considered your feelings before they started to discuss their relationship issues with you.
Remember that your feelings are valid and your requests are reasonable. If they can't respect your wishes and consider your feelings than they were never your friends to begin with. Real friends can be honest with each other... And while real friends may still argue and get angry with each other... They forgive each other because they care.
(Rating: 5) thanks for the in-depth answer. it really helped