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February 18, 2007Answers:
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March 2, 2010Visitors:
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OK, so [one] of my two best friends, Jake and Sophie went out for about a month. Sophie was telling me like, "I think I'm gonna break up with him. I just don't like him anymore." I was like, "All right, do what you want." Since they went out, I haven't really talked to Jake, so when Sophie broke up with him, I was hoping Jake and I could actually talk some more. They're cool now and still friends, but ever since Jake went to this party, there's been all these other girls. I mean, there always HAS been, but they haven't been as close to him as we were. But now on the phone he's like, "Oh, I gotta call you back. Other line."
"Ohh, who?" [Yea, I'm nosy.]
"One of my friends, Ayla. She's really cool. I think I'm gonna go on vaca with her."
"Oh. . and you met her when?"
"About a week."
Which is weird, cos Jake and I are SUPER close firends and we've never even gone somewhere except the movies. He also has this other girl he might ask out, and I'm sorta flipping. Asking out somebody new so soon? He just got dumped and I was HOPING to actually talk to him without his gf on the line.
I think we're departing, and there are more awkward silences on the phone than there ever was.
SOrry if this was so long. . . =/
I hate to sound like a downer, but...
The fact of the matter is that many friends aren't forever. Notice how I said "many" and not "all." There will be friends that you make and years from now you will still be friends. But during your teenage years your going to make a lot of friends that will disappear over the years. The reason why? This is a time of change for you and your friends. You are discovering who you are, establishing your identity, figuring out what you like and dislike... Frequently friends srift apart because of personality changes or different priorities.
I understand how this can upset you and make you feel sad. Your emotions are valid, and I'm sorry that you feel this way at this time. But take comfort from the fact that these things happen and it's not your fault. Your friend is making new friends, which should be encouraged... And doesn't mean that he likes you any less. I know it's hard not to feel jealous, but I will warn you that if you don't keep a leash on that particular emotion it can end up hurting both you and your friend.
I know I'm making it sound like the end of your friendship. Though this doesn't have to make it the end... The next time you talk to him, how about telling him that you miss spending time with and feel that the two of you don't talk like you used to. Make sure to be direct, tell him how you feel, but don't accuse him of being a bad friend or neglegent. Try to set aside time for him by making plans in advance so the both of you can hang out together.
And remember... As you get older, life get's busier. Just because your schedule is full and maybe you don't get to see your friends as often doesn't mean your friendship is weak. One of my closest friends lives out of state. We've been friends for over a decade but we only get to see each other once a year. And because of our schedules we only get the chance to talk to each other maybe once a week. But we're still close, because we know each other better than anyone else. I know I can tell her anything and she will understand (or at least try.)
Last but not least... I know that while the thought that maybe the two of you may be drifting apart may be depressing... Don't spend your time waiting around on him. Follow his example and spend time with your other friends, or making new friends!
(Rating: 5) As soon as I saw the first line of your answer, I knew I'd give it a five. But what you said is completely true and I'll be sure to not let jealousy take over, and to talk to him. Thanks a ton :)