I'm a woman in Texas. I'm married and have a school-aged child. I have a medical background. I'm quite liberal, socially. I love helping people with medical, parenting, and social questions. Don't ask me about tech stuff or finances, because I need advice on those things myself!
Gender: Female
Location: Texas
Age: 34
Member Since: December 17, 2006
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Last Update: September 2, 2007
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Xenolan
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13. my bestfriend was abused im many ways. her mom was a drug addict. her mom gave her drugs through shots and made her smoke and used many different drugs on her. her and her 2 sisters. my friend stopped growing but got on so many medicines and started again this year. she has 2 skin diseases and extremely deep smokers cough. her mom left her alone in a different state when she was in kindergarten. later her mom went to jail. her and her sisters went to her aunts. all this happened when she was 4 till 10. shes now in depression and hides everything and all she does is screams yells and stares. she still cant get over it she had no idea it was bad. now shes paranoid of drugs or even smoking or alcohaul anything like that she was abused with. now were doing d.a.r.e to resist drugs its a daily year round thing. and she has to do it and she doesnt say a word the whole time or just actually cries she never crys. i feel so bad for her. she got a restraining order on her mom and her mom is in jail till the end. her mom also had mental problems/ alot of people are doing drugs and everything already and when she sees someone she tries to kill them or atleast punch them to the ground. she is normal other than depression and being paranoid of drugs and stuff. how do i get her to leave others alone SHE SHOULDNT TRY TO KILL PEOPLE. how do i stop her how do i help her a therepist didnt work. i fell soo bad for her ill do anything for her. she cant get over it i know itll be hard. i need help to help her. HOW! (link)
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What a horrible thing for your friend to have to go through. What a horrible thing for you to have to clean up after the adults in her life. Where was her father during all of this? Jeez. I have a kindergartener and I don't leave her alone in the house to go to the mailbox most of the time, much less to another state. I watch how much caffeine she gets. Your friend could desperately use a good surrogate mother. A surrogate is a stand-in who would take care of another mother's child.
What your friend is doing is taking out her mother's abuse and neglect on the drugs and applying her anger to the users of drugs and alcohol. She doesn't understand that the drugs and alcohol didn't make her mother do those things to her. They were the tool by which her mother abused her, but people every day use alcohol responsibly and arguments can be made that marajuana can be used responsibly. No matter where one stands on drugs, of course your friend cannot very well go around hurting others when they make bad choices.
I don't know what options you have except to take her to a school counselor if possible and push for her to go to a different therapist. The therapeutic relationship is difficult to get just right. There has to be a basis for common ground and trust. There are not going to be many people who can match your friend's experiences and know what she's feeling. Most of us can only imagine. That doesn't let her off the hook, however. She has to gain the knowledge that her mother *chose* to do what she did. Many people will take drugs. Very few of them will inject drugs into their young children. That was a choice she made. You may say she only made that choice because she was on drugs. That might excuse the first time, but I can tell you that at some point she probably knew she was hurting her children, but rather than ask for help, she lit up again and chose to put her need before her children's safety. As a mother, if I had ever hurt my child that way one time, I know I'd do whatever I had to do to make sure it didn't happen again. So it's not just the drugs your friend has to come to terms with. It's also the fact that her mother love drugs more than her children. It's that rejection that probably makes your friend so angry and depressed.
What you can do practically is push her toward professional counseling help and steer her away from situations where people might be doing things your friend can't handle; don't take her to any parties or let her be around the stoners, etc. Maybe she could convince a school administrator that she's seen enough of the bad effects of drugs and talking about it re-traumatizes her. She might be able to be excused to study in the library or something during d.a.r.e.. Maybe someday your friend will start to chill out when she realizes that an adult woman can have a glass of wine with dinner without becoming an abusive lunatic. Right now, she's so young to have to deal with the life she's lived. It's unthinkable. I wish I could help more.
Sabine
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Rating: 5
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thanks and her dad was in jail her whole life and she doesnt even know why she saw him once but before all the drugs she had.
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