I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
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Age: 31
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Alright, so, I have a boyfriend. We've been talking for a year but technically only been together 4 months. It's a very...intense relationship and we've dealt with a lot. Both of us have some depression problems so i don't think it's the healthiest relationship in the world. I think we should break up, or at leat take a long break but I know if i tell him this he'll do something drastic. He has problems with cutting as did I and the last time something like this came up he almost killed himself. I guess part of me is tired of being around guys like this. Anyone have any advice on letting him go without him doing something horrible? (link)
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I understand why you would be feeling nervous about breaking up with someone who has not dealt well with this situation in the past.
But the simple fact is that you are not responsible for him. You are responsible for you.
This doesn't mean you need to be callous or insensitive, but it DOES mean that you deserve to take your own needs seriously. Staying with someone because they may self-harm or try to kill themselves isn't a good place to be - particularly if you are also dealing with depression.
If you want to end things, think of a tactful, sensitive way to do so. He'll possibly take it badly no matter what you say, so prepare yourself for that possibility. Perhaps you may want to get some counselling in place for yourself to help deal with the situation - and if he's open-minded, perhaps you can suggest the same to him.
At the end of the day, however, you can't have control over his behaviours. If he does self-harm or threaten suicide, it's not your fault. He is making his own choices, and he's the one who must bear the ultimate responsibility for that.
If you are close to any of his friends or family, you may want to alert them to your concerns.
This could be your chance to stop being around 'guys like this.' With some time to yourself to reflect, you may be able to figure out what sort of guys you WOULD like to be around. This is a chance for you to make a positive choice for yourself.
I wish you both the best.
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Rating: 5
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thanks so much. I just hate thinking of him more depressed than he already has been or killing himself because even though he doesn't see it all of the time there are people that care about him and i don't want to do that to anyone. I would still like him in my life somehow in the future and we've agreed that would happen if we were to break up for some reason but i'm just afraid of what he'll do in the meantime. anyway, again, thanks so much for the advice. it really opened my mind about it.
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