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Q: his name is adam and he's one of my best friends--and i love him. i've known pretty much all along he never had those feelings for me back, but six months ago i told him how i felt for him. it was a little awkward at first, but we got over it and managed to keep our friendship. i told him i didn't ever want him to hesitate when telling me anything, especially about his love life or whatever. now, five months later, i'm not so sure i want to hear it anymore. last night he told me he liked our best friend, lauren. we're all mutual best friends and that's what makes it so hard. he told me he wanted me to tell him what i thought of it and if i was okay with it. i think i was so shocked and hurt at first i didn't realize it was true, so i said i supported it and i didn't want him to hold back. i thought that's what being a good friend was all about. i want to see him happy, but i don't know how she feels nor does she even know he likes her. but i still feel caught in the middle--i mean he told me he would try to forget her if it meant things between the three of us would get weird.
i love him so much, and i have for a year and a half. he means the world to me and the last thing i want to do is hurt him, or be the reason he's unhappy. but i know it would kill me inside to see him with anyone else. do i suck it up for their sake like i had originally planned, or do i be brutally, selfishly honest and tell him i don't want him to go after her?

You kind of sound like the type of person who puts people before yourself. So it might be hard for you to tell him straight up what you're feeling. I'm exactly the same way.

When you tell someone that you want them to come to you and tell you everything, many people take that sincerely. And since you really don't want to hear about his love life anymore, it's probably hurting you more than helping him. It's obvious that you're not over him yet and there still is attraction towards him. He's probably not on the same terms as you are because he likes Lauren.

I don't think that I would suck it up, or be brutally honest. I would combine the two suggestions you posted together. It would probably mean a lot to him that he can tell you things and you'll listen to him. So you might want to be discreet. If you bring up "You know I was kind of thinking about you and Lauren, and if you truly want to be with her and she wants to be with you, I guess that would be okay. But I'd miss not seeing you as much. You might want to think about this a little more before you go for it". Or something like that. Basically, if you can kind of hint that you have mixed emotions about it, he may rethink it.

I can definitely relate to this whole post. Sometimes they don't realize how much you mean to them until later on. I understand that you really want him right now, and it would tear you apart to see him with Lauren. But you've been supporting his decisions, and going back on your word might not be the best thing to do right now. If it's meant to be than it will work out eventually. But it wouldn't work unless he liked you as much as you like him.

Rating: 5

excellent advice. thank you times a million

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