I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
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Last Update: November 5, 2009
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when i was 9 or 10 my brother molested me. the molestation went so far i would even call it rape. while it was going on i told him no i didnt want to but he made me think i was wrong for not wanting to. afterwards he tried to have these sex talks with me about how to do sexual acts and what happens when guys get excited, i finally told him i didn;t want to talk about this with him. it took alot of courage but i hated it, i hated him. he told me if i told anybody he would tell them that i touched him, and that nobody would believe me. i felt disgusting, and i thought [still think] people will think i am disgusting for letting that happen to me.
now im 15 and it still horrifies me. i have never told anybody because im afraid they will think i am gross. i can never tell my parents, NEVER, because they will not believe me. He hides it so well and soemtiems i even wonder if he remembers doing it. once i braught it up, he acted like he didnt know what i was talking about and i sut up quickly, i didnt want to talk about it. I know it happened... but there is nothing i can do
now it is a huge problem b/c i have been dating this great guy for 3 months and i won't let him touch me. at first i just told him i was prude but when he puts his arms around me i freak, and once i decided to just ignore it and make out with him as uncomfortable as i was, he hand started to go up my shirt and i ran out of the room and started to cry hysterically. this shouldnt still be happening, but it is affecting me now more than ever.
i need this to go away
please help me forget about this and overcome my fear of somebody touching me. my bf is going to dump me if i keep doing this, he doesnt know why, im never going to tell him.
please help im desperate (link)
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This is not your fault. You were a child, and an older person manipulated and abused you. Sexual abuse is really, really toxic stuff - if you truly want to work through it, you will most likely only be able to do that with a professional.
This means seeing a counsellor - your school might be able to recommend one, your community might have a charity that offers counselling to teenagers, or you can ask your doctor. A common effect of sexual abuse is the person (no matter how old they get) feeling dirty and somehow at fault. Even if they logically know it isn't true, their emotions can interfere in them forming successful and healthy relationships, or enjoying sex.
I'm not saying this to scare you, only to inject some reality into the situation. If you are nervous about entering counselling, you could start small - phone a free helpline for sexual abuse/rape (google will give you numbers), or correspond with a professional via email.
You may feel you are gross, but no one who hears your story will think that. When I read your question, my first thought was what a horrible situation someone else had put you in - you said no, you were a child (and even if you had agreed to the sexual activities, you were too young to consent and it would NOT be your fault), and you have been abused.
I send warmest feelings to you, reassurance that at least one person you've told thinks you are SO BRAVE for sharing your story, and very deep hopes that you will speak to a professional about this.
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Rating: 5
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this really helped, i just want you to knwo that it really really helped me
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