about

While I am still young, I have had a great deal of life experience. It is from this that I give advice. I am open minded and try not to be judgemental. If I can help in any way, I will. Just ask. However, like everyone else in this world, I am not perfect. My advice may not always suit you, since my experiences are not the same as yours. If you want clarification on any answers I give, feel free to ask me. If you don't like what I said, or if I offended you, let me know. This is the best way for me to improve on my responses.

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advice

I'm a teenage g i r l who has been suicidal for 4 years.

I don't know what to do. I h a t e life so much because I have no reason to live. All I ever do is schoolwork and running around to different things. And I get yelled at. NO ONE loves me or cares if I draw another breath. No one.

If I had a significant other who was actually NOT an I wouldn't be suicidal.

I'm considered "obese" (5'3" and 169 lbs) and I'm SICK of going on diets, losing weight, and gaining it all back because of stress. So DON'T reccomend that I *try* to lose weight, because I'm sick of that. So don't even mention anything about losing weight.

I'm not fat because I'm a couch potato. I'm fat because I was born that way. I've never been thin. And I'll die a fatass. Just like I am now.

The things people say and the looks I get are just too much. "OH MY GOD SHE'S SO FAT" and other like that. I'm so pretty that I could get a boyfriend if I were thin.

How would you reccomend that I ? I need to do it really soon because I don't have a chance at getting a boyfriend. And I want to die because of it.

If you don't have L O V E in your life, you should die. Like me. NO one loves me so I'm going to next sunday at 12:00 pm if SOMEONE doesn't call me to ask me out. I'm sick of living and there's no reason to go on like this.

I attempted suicide once. Getting my stomach pumped wasn't fun. Though it did teach me how to suppress my gag reflex, which has since made my husband very happy.
I know, that was inappropriate. However, it is true and I do know how depression feels.
Right now, the last thing you need is a boyfriend. A boyfriend is not necessarily love in your life. Guys often do not understand depression and so a boyfriend right now will ultimately make you feel worse.
Right now, what you need is help. You do have love in your life. Everyone does. Many of us manage not to see it because of the cloud depression leaves us in.
Right now, you are the same height as I am and you weigh a good 12 pounds less. I get hit on all the time, now that I have changed my attitude.
How did I change my attitude? I attemted suicide.
No, I am not saying you should. It was a drastic measure in order to get help. You do not need suicide for that. You have already made your desperate call for help here. Now you are getting it.
Here is what you need to do. As someone who has been through the hell you describe, I expect you to do it.
Go to a doctor. If you can't get into a doctor right away, go to your phone book and find a mental health center. Call them right away and tell them what you told us.
You will be given antidepressants. They won't help for about two weeks. You will get frustrated, but you will keep taking them because I told you to and I know how it goes. After a couple weeks, the cloud will start to lift, but it won't go away completely.
Let your doctor know. Let your parents know. That last one is hard. They may tell you to just snap out of it. Let them know that depression is a real illness and you can't just snap out of it. Tell them you need them to be supportive and patient. If you can't do this, ask your doctor to. If you don't feel able to do that, write to me and I will do it. I am serious. I take depression more seriously than just about anything.
Follow your doctor's instructions. He or she can tell you what to do about your weight. If you have always been overweight, it could be because of a health issue. That could also be the root of your depression. Do what your doctor says.
After a while, it will seem like a long time but it really isn't, you will start to feel better about yourself. You will find the love you need, but it has to come from you.
In the meantime, know that I understand what you are going through and I do love you. I care about you because you were brave enough to put your cry for help here instead of in the emergency room. You don't want to end up there.
I expect to hear from you again so I know how you are doing.
Please understand that I am responding with the assumption that this is an honest plea for help. Some readers will see your question as a teen who just wants attention and is making all this up. I will agree that this is possible. However, if you are serious, please do what I said to do. I know how tough it is, but it is important.

EDITED TO ADD:
In your feedback to me, you ask how I could have depression with a husband. That is simple. Chronic depression is often the result of a chemical imbalance. Each person who has this imbalance reacts differently. We all feel we are missing something or doing something wrong. It is not necessarily the reality, though it sure feels like it.
I thought I was a screw up as a wife and mother, despite my child being very obviously happy and healthy.
You feel you are lacking love from another person and that a boyfriend or husband will help.
The problem for each of us is not what we see it as, and that is very difficult to understand. Even if we get what we think we need, our brains tell us something is still wrong. If you get a boyfriend, your brain will tell you he is not the right one even if he is perfect.
Once I got my brain's chemicals back in order, with medication, I was able to see that and then make amends for the times I was in fact screwing up.
You will find your own love for yourself and then you will shine in a way that will attract love from someone else. But first you need to take care of the imbalance inside. It is not your fault. It is not anyone's fault. It is often hereditary (that does not mean it is your mother's fault. If anyone, it is a distant ancestor).
Right now, take care of yourself. Take whatever you are prescribed. Do not miss doses. If I get off my meds, I fall back into depression and start feeling like a failure again. I have a hole in my bedroom door from a time when I was changing insurance and ended up missing a week of meds. I kicked it.
If you need more help, send me a note. I'll do what I can. It may not be much, but sometimes just knowing you are not alone can help.

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(Rating: 5) Thank you so much for your time and consideration. I'm not just a teen who is making this up for attention. Yes, everything you read about me is 100% true. I guess there's no way to prove this to you, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

It's just: how could you have depression if you have a husband? You have someone to go to when you're . I don't.

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