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Q: hi! well this is going to be long but i hope someone can help ;] all reply's are appreciated ♥

ok well one of my best friends, katie, has been hanging out with this older guy a LOT, named adam. katie & i are freshmen in high school, and adam is a junior, which i think is kinda a big age difference esp. in high school. well the two of them go over eachothers houses n walk home from school holding hands and he always has his arm around her waist in the hallway when he walks her to every class. but according to katie they are not going out or bf/gf or whatever, but everyone knows they like eachother. i personally think hes using her 1. cause shes pretty, naive, and likes him 2. to get back at his ex 3. to have sex with her eventually... well okay so all my friends and i think that adam's trouble. he gets drunk every weekend according to his myspace, which is bad in my point of view because since katies such a great friend i wouldnt want her to start doing that just cuz he does, since shes been changing herself to get him to like him more. also i mean her parents r way overprotective so she tells them that shes at a friends house when really shes hanging out with adam. she never lied to her parents before now. and i must sound like a total goody goody but its because i dont want her to do anything stupid, especially with or because him. and also he has had sex before so i think he is only with her for that since he's a typical guy. anyways, i would love some support or ways to tell my friend that this guy is a **total** jerk. thanks in advance ♥!!!

You're such a great friend to be looking out for her like this! She is very lucky to have you!

She seems to like this guy a lot, so it would be wrong to state that she shouldn't see him. Because he could be different than what you assume he is. What I would do before you tell Katie is get to know him. If Katie and Adam are around you guys, try and stir up a conversation. Or ask Katie about him, casually. You really can't say how a person is until you know them. It wouldn't be fair to prove that your thoughts are true until you know for sure and then you can form your opinions. Once you get to know him a little better and if your opinions about him are the same then it would be better to tell her then.

The only way Katie is going to know how you and your friends feel about this guy is if you tell her. But you need to be careful with how you're going to put it into words and say it to her without making her angry. You can start out with how she seems to be changing slightly. Mention the fact of lying to her parents and other ideas you can think of so she has an example. After that, tell her you tried to get to know hima nd so far you feel like he could be trouble.

Realize from her point of view, she'll be thinking you're acting motherly towards her. She could get upset. I'm not sure. You know how her personality is. So to make things less complex, reassure her that you're just nervous and you want to make sure she knows what she's doing.

But you've got to be supportive in her decisions. Even if you say this she may still continue hanging out with him. Guys drink and have sex just like girls, maybe even more. True - I see your point. But this is her life and her decision. If she wants to risk that, you really can't stop her. I'm sure she's smart enough to not go down to that level. It sucks to see a friend act differently or do soemthing stupid. But you've gotta realize, sometimes, that we all make mistakes and we can't protect them from everything. We can state our opinions and offer support. But the choice is up to her.

Good luck!

-Shannon

Rating: 5

thanks so much! you gave great advice!!!!!

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