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I have friends who have been through the same kinf of things you have wrote about so i understand what you ae going through.
First of all, and i dont want you to take this the wrong way, but deep down you are despertly in need of attention. That is not a bad thing. Everyone wants to be noticed and to have some attention so its not selfish. However, you need to tell your mum. I know its hard and i know you would do anything to stop her from getting hurt but she will feel even more hurt when she finds out, and trust me, i mean when not if. Your mum will want to know how you are feeling and want to help you, you are her daughter and probably the most precious thing in the world in her eyes so you must tell her. She may be upset but she will be glad that you can trust her and you are seeking her help. Let her know that you realise you need to get medical help and know that your behaviour is extremely harmful. Without your mum, your just going to get worse.
Secondly, from hearing f your eating habits, you seem to have an eating disorder and i hope to god you dont feel you are fat or are not in control because you are not fat and you are in control. I have friends who are annorexic and i know the struggle they have been through. You need to go to your doctor, with your mum to support you, and explain your problems. He/she will understand and can help you recover.
Thridly, you are seriously putting yourself in harmsway by your drug abuse, and thats what it is. DRUG ABUSE. you could easily have an overdose and die and nobody wants that, especially not your boyfriend or your mother so please, get help! you can talk to psychiatrists online if there is no way at all you can get help near you but you must try.
To stop vomiting automatically, try not to binge eat, just eat healthy amounts. You need to tell your friends and your boyfriend and let them know that you vomit after meals. That way, they can try and help you resist vomiting. If you continue, you will loose alot of weight and become painfully thin, trust me, i know how it feels. You could die.
Nobody would want you to put yourself through the agony you have over the years and you need to tell those who you love and who love you so they can give you support. Visit your GP and dont give up trying to get help!
Also, i think that the theory that you have an addictive personality may be true. And it is most probable that you suffer from depression.
Here are some websites that may help you:
1. http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/bb/neuro/neuro04/web1/mcurtiss.html
2.
http://be-healthy.net/articles/depression/beyond-the-blues.htm
I desperatly urge you to get help and please tell your mum and others close to you! Take care.
hope i helped
kerry x
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