About EarthMother
About me:
I have worked in social services (nonprofits) for over two decades. At this point, there is little I've not heard, and therefore, I am able to give pretty grounded advice.
I like to write, and I'm currently working on my first novel. I created a 5-week workshop series for midlife women; and, I also have a midlife advice column in a small SF Bay Area paper.
Feel free to ask me whatever is on your mind &/or in your heart. I'm here, just ask!
I wish you well,
Earth Mother
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Gender: Female
Location: Berkeley, CA
Occupation: Social Worker, Fiction Writer & Poet, Workshop Leader
Member Since: April 5, 2006
Answers: 49
Last Update: June 10, 2006
Visitors: 8008
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Well I've been in a relationship for about 9 months now on-and-off. It's been amazing, but alot has happened. I love his family to death and they all love me, and I love my bf too. But he one dumped me for another girl, but two weeks later got me back. After that we swore to be honest with eacother. I felt that I couldn't trust him so we broke up again. I stayed single for about a month and a half after that, and no guy felt right. I love him and I knew it so I decided I should've stayed with him. So we got back together again. After a week of dating him again, he left to go to work out of state for Spring break, while I stayed here. I ended up partying alot and making out with another guy. I told the guy I didn't have a bf. Well when he got back he heard rumors that I had cheated on him, and I said they were all lies and denied all the accusations. In my mind, I felt like I was getting him back for what he put me through when he dumped me for the other girl.
Well then after three weeks of us being back together, we started fighting really bad, mostly because I felt really bad for cheating and was stressed because I couldn't tell him about it. Well he blew me off one day to go out of town with his friends. He told me they were out skating all night, but I knew he was lying. He kept ignoring my call, and when he finally did pick up I heard a girl in the background.
Well when he got back the next day he was acting all sweet to me. Then later this prank caller kept blowing up his phone, so finally I answered it and the caller said that my bf had cheated on me with her friend at a college party the night before. I asked her the girl's name and then told the girl to have her friend call me. Her friend did and explained that she had a bf and he told her he wasn't dating anyone at the time. He never drinks, but that night he got trashed (about 20 shots of Southern Comfort) and they ended up making out. He kept denying it when I asked him about it, and told me I could ask his friends.
His friends kept saying he was at the skate park over the speaker phone, because they knew he was listening, but then I called them when he wasn't around and they told me that they all went to a party and that he was just lying because he was drunk and doesn't want me to dump him over it. Well he came in the room while I was talking to them on the phone, and I put them on speaker phone asked them again where they went, and they told me agian that they went to a party. After I got off the phone, my bf started to cry hysterically and told me what happened. I started crying too and let him know how I had lied to him too. We decided to stay together and start over fresh, no lies, no more cheating, and no more shit behind eachother's backs.
Well my question is this:
Do you think it is worth staying together after we both cheated on eachother?
And if so, what can we both do to help eachother get over what we both did and focus on making this right again?
Dear Cheating Couple,
My, my, my...so much drama! It sounds like you both have a lot of work to do before you can seriously consider a committed relationship. Unless you are willing to stop ALL the game playing and begin being honest with yourselves, you don't stand a chance. Not only is your current relationship doomed but also any future relationships if you don't get honest with your selves.
Being in a committed relationship takes some emotional depth; some people aren't capable of this until they've matured a bit. In the meantime, perhaps you might both want to consider some personal growth work: a class, support group, or some kind of setting where you can explore who you are and what you're all about.
*What most people don't understand is the more we deeply we know ourselves the better able we are to connect with others. So, that being said, I hope you'll find a way to do the personal work necessary to get on the right track with yourself first and then each other.
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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(Rating: 5)
Thanks for the advice. I do have alot to learn, but I do know myself very well. I guess I just have trust issues, as does he. We will see what happens, but we both will try making this work together and see where it takes us. I guess only time will tell.
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