About EarthMother
About me:
I have worked in social services (nonprofits) for over two decades. At this point, there is little I've not heard, and therefore, I am able to give pretty grounded advice.
I like to write, and I'm currently working on my first novel. I created a 5-week workshop series for midlife women; and, I also have a midlife advice column in a small SF Bay Area paper.
Feel free to ask me whatever is on your mind &/or in your heart. I'm here, just ask!
I wish you well,
Earth Mother
Ask Me For Advice
View Feedback
Make Favorite Columnist
Gender: Female
Location: Berkeley, CA
Occupation: Social Worker, Fiction Writer & Poet, Workshop Leader
Member Since: April 5, 2006
Answers: 49
Last Update: June 10, 2006
Visitors: 8002
Main Categories:
Love Life
Mental health
General Sex Questions
View All
Advicenators.com
|
|
|
My husband and I have not had sex in a year. This is no doubt of monogamy. We both have health issues, but come on, in a year! He is 40 and I am 39. We have been married for 6 years. We never have had a good sex life and I just don't know what to do to get the fire going. We are affectionate as far as he rocks me in the recliner, kisses me (not romantically), we still hold hands. It seems we are more like loving room-mates and I want more. He is definately my soulmate. We were each others first for sex. We met in college but at the time he played football and that was his life. After 11 years of being apart we got back together. All my friends tell me it's a fairy tale, but I'm too embarrassed to tell them about my sex life, because they think we have everything. Please help.
Dear I Want More,
Yes, a year is a long time to go without sex. And, yes, health issues can kill the urge for some; might this be the case for your husband? Have you discussed this with him? If not, this might help. If you have and it has not helped, perhaps it's time to consider seeing someone professionally. Relationship counseling can be helpful, if you're both agreeable to the process.
For many, the role of sex in an intimate relationship is a complicated matter and it goes hand in hand with old baggage. Now, we all have baggage of some kind, even those with so called "perfect" relationships. (Which in reality don't exist.) Sometimes, as we change (emitionally, physically, etc.) it can affect our libido, and for many it's next to impossible to address without seeking assistance.
Your friends might not be the best choice for discussing the situation, but only you can say for sure. As you know, your relationship is worth the time and energy that it would take to make this interpersonal inquiry. Also, I'd like to suggest a book that might be helpful called: Listening to Midlife, by Mark Gerzon. It's still available on Amazon.com.
You deserve a healthy relationship in all ways: physically, emotionally, and sexually. I wish you well on your journey!
Take Care,
Earth Mother
[view]
(Rating: 5)
thank you for the feed back it was EXCELLENT!
| |
