About EarthMother
About me:
I have worked in social services (nonprofits) for over two decades. At this point, there is little I've not heard, and therefore, I am able to give pretty grounded advice.
I like to write, and I'm currently working on my first novel. I created a 5-week workshop series for midlife women; and, I also have a midlife advice column in a small SF Bay Area paper.
Feel free to ask me whatever is on your mind &/or in your heart. I'm here, just ask!
I wish you well,
Earth Mother
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Gender: Female
Location: Berkeley, CA
Occupation: Social Worker, Fiction Writer & Poet, Workshop Leader
Member Since: April 5, 2006
Answers: 49
Last Update: June 10, 2006
Visitors: 8001
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Can anyone on here tell me they know the feeling of absolute despair? That's what I've been going through for the past several months. The past week has been really bad. I haven't been able to think, to focus, to sleep, even to talk is hard because I can't seem to put words behind it. Even my schoolwork is suffering. In my English class for an in-class essay, I couldn't write it. I just couldn't get past the prompt "Choose a novel or play in which a character experiences a point of no return in his life, where his life will never be the same again, and explain its impact on the character." I just couldn't write about that because it so closely paralelled what I'm going through right now.
Please don't think I'm just some 13 year old girl who needs to rebell. I'm 17 and I'm graduating at the end of this year, and everything in my life has been coming to a head. My schoolwork is suffering because I can't seem to find the passion that I used to have for seeking out knowledge, my home life is hell because my mom is emotionally and sometimes physically abusive, and she's trying to block my entrance into college in the fall. I just feel like everything's falling apart and I can't get through this time.
I feel an intense desire to just quit life, to seek out the absolution of death, just to escape the hell I'm living right now. But I'm too afraid to do it. I can't just draw a razor across my wrist. I've already talked to people about this, my high school principal, the director of social services, and a really big source of support has been my boyfriend. But I can't do this anymore, I can't drag anyone else into it, I can't talk one more time and force myself to think about my pitiful excuse for a life and how badly I've screwed things up.
If you've stuck with my ramblings this far thank you. I would really, really appreciate any advice.
Thank you.
Dear Desparing,
Hey, I know the feeling of "everything falling apart." I, too, have had a number of enexpected upheavals in my life lately; for one, I got laid-off! It's something that we all go through, so it seems.
I do try and remind myself that real "hell" would be surviving hurricane Katrina only to become homeless and left with nothing! Or, like the son of Christopher & Dana Reeves, have both parents die within 18 months of each other! Yes, I guess there are many levels of "hell," right?
Nonetheless, it sounds like maybe you need to try something out of the ordinary (something you'd not normally do). What if you spent some time (1 or 2 x's a week) doing something (anything) for someone else? Yes, this would take the focus off you for a while, and hey, who knows it might help! At a minimum, you would not have to think about your situation at all duing this time.
For example, there is an 85 year old woman I know who lives (alone) near me, and although she has a large family, they don't look in on her very often. One day I took her some chili I'd made, and I noticed that her front room was a disaster! After asking her, I straightened and vacuumed her livingroom. It didn't take long at all, and boy oh boy did it put a smile on her face!
Yes, I'm still unemployed, but for a while I got to think about how someone else was feeling. Call me crazy, but it just might help!
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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Thank you, that's creative advice. I don't know how possible it would be while working 3 jobs and having 4 AP classes, which leaves very little time for anything, but I think I'll try to give it a go.
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