|
| |
|
16 and a guy. Ever since I can remember, I've always bottled up my emotions, especially my anger. That lead me into being a shy person most of the times, not all though. Because of that, I find that (and other have told me) that I'm not good at communicating with people. Especially when something bothers me, because I almost never say anything - just to avoid trouble. Here at home especially, and at school its like this. I'd really like some advice on what to do. " Just saying how I feel " is not something I'm used to. (link)
|
After reviewing the advice others have previously given to your question, I have some interesting remarks.
Many suggested finding some way to 'vent' your anger, and then went on to describe violent things to do to inadament objects. Personally, I don't see how this will help in the long run. All this will do is enforce that it's okay to react negatively and violently out of anger. One day those violent acts might end up being directed toward a person without you realizing it in the heat of the moment. Don't start a habit that might not be healthy, and hard to break.
I would like to suggest going a step further for you. Why don't you spend some contimplative time trying to figure out where your problem, 'bottling up your emotions', originally stems from. This might help you to resolve this issue and move forward.
Do you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and/or feelings with your family? ... with any friends? If you answered no, that could be a big hint as to why you are having this problem in the first place. Perhaps your family doesn't 'open up' naturally with one another in the first place? Maybe you have never been in the sort of environment where you felt confortable to share?
One thing you mentioned, "... just to avoid trouble", hinted to me that you might be affraid of starting problems, having people blame you for their anger or frustration, etc. Have you ever had people retaliate toward you just because of something you shared? In healthy relationships, each person should be able to share what they are thinking and how they feel without anyone else juding them, talking negatively back to them, or condemning them.
Here are some other suggestions:
1. Practice speaking your mind. Do this intentionally. If you are talking with people and a question comes to mind, simply state.."I have a question though..." and proceed. If something bothers you, you can nicely, yet assertively say, "I'm sorry, but I have to let you know that this bothers me..." There are non-confrontational ways of getting your feelings across; ways that would not offend others.
2. I would suggest maybe joining a friendly, loving youth group, where you can meet others and grow deep intimate relationships with peers and mentors alike- a place where you can share eventually, and not be judged. A place where you can build healthy relationships with other people.
3. Take a speech class. This might not sound like the greatest idea, but it will help you in the long run for many reasons! In a speech class, you won't have to worry about confrontation or offending anyone. Usually they are preplanned and written out, and it will give you some good skills and help you getting over your fears. (If you don't take it in high school, you will most likely need to in college anyhow.)
4. Keep a journal of what bothers you. Normally, what angers a person is something that initially hurt them. It's okay to admit if something hurts you. Men do feel pain, men do cry. Don't allow the lies that men need to be tough tell you otherwise. Deal with the hurt before it turns into anger. Be honest with yourself.
I hope all of my advice will give you a good start on working this all out.
|
|
Rating: 5
| |
Best advice I've ever gotten, thank you so much. :)
|
|
