I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172924
Main Categories:
General Sex Questions
Random Weirdos
Mental health
View All
|
| |
My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now and I'm having a few issues with the choices he's making. Now, I need really mature people to answer this. I have always not really liked certain type of guys such as with piercings and tattoos and mohawks and stuff. I fully understand that not ALL of those people are bad. But I have been brought up in a really good family with morals and I want a guy who doesn't look like that. My boyfriend has told me that he is wanting to get a few tattoos and it will be happening very soon. I'm really upset about this, I feel like it's going to change him because he's been changing a lot lately. He's going downhill and I've confronted him with these feelings and he got totally defensive and told me to stop acting like his mom. I admit that I did put my foot down and say that I'm not dealing with it when he told me, but then I tried to keep saying that I'm really worried because tattoos are permanant decisions!
Like I said, I need someone with morals to answer this. I don't want a speech stating that I should just accept him, I do accept him, but tattos are a decision, it doesn't define who he is.
I will rate and let you know what I think of your advice.
Thank you so much in advance (link)
|
Well, you're right. Tattoos are a decision. Ultimately, the only one who will decide how many tattoos he gets is your boyfriend.
If tattoos and piercings are outside of your usual experience, I can understand that they might seem unappealing, hallmarks of depravity, etc. But the simple fact is that they are a personal choice about personality, identity, and sometimes just vanity. Getting a tattoo will not change your boyfriend - after all, it's only a bit of ink on a small patch of skin.
If your boyfriend is changing, it's happening on his insides and far from his skin. This COULD be who 'he really is;' there is a huge growth spurt in personalities in the teens and twenties. Psychologists say that the personality doesn't really begin to 'set' until the mid-twenties.
So far from moving away from who he really is, he might be moving INTO who he really is.
Just as the tattoos are his choice, your reactions are yours. Arguing and putting your foot down will only distance him. Talking calmly about what your worries are might open things up a bit - instead of fixating on the outside, share your concerns about his insides.
Ultimately, of course, if you feel unable to deal with his changes or tattoos, you will want to think about ending the relationship. While this might be painful if you've been considering a future together, it will allow you both a chance to meet someone who you both are more suited to.
Best of luck.
|
|
Rating: 5
| |
You are right. Arguing it and trying to stop it won't change anything and I will have to learn that. I should just accept this even though it's not my type of situation I want to be in. And if I can't give him a chance to have something and prove that he's the same person, then it is unfair. Thank you and God bless!
|
|