I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
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My dad made me cry my eyes out today. This is what happened.
Well last August I was asked by my cousin to be a bridesmaid for her wedding in April of this year. I said yes, and at the time was unemployed. Well I have a job now at a really good company. But I'm still on a 3 month probation. My grandma (who is paying for the wedding) was expecting me to take 3 days off on a weekend this Febuary just for a dress fitting!! She lives 6 hours away, and I would have had to take the greyhound bus. I told my dad this and he started screaming at me, saying that I was going to lose my job over this. I have a mental illness, and this is the first job I've had in 5 years. He said I would never get another job again and that he wanted me to drop out of the wedding, and that the job was too important. Well I started to cry because I really want to be a bridesmaid but also don't want to lose my job. I asked him if he could phone grandma and make some sort of comprimise, like maybe get the dress fitted her. Then he said "the fact that you're crying shows how delicate you are". He was really mean about the whole thing.
I still want to be in the wedding. I talked to my grandma and she is going to send up the fabric for me to get a local seamstress to make the dress so I won't have to take time off work until the wedding. But I'm still really upset at my dad. How should I act around him? And does anyone else think what he said was out of line? (link)
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I think you were put into a delicate situation, and nevermind anything about your mental health. Being a new job is always a little uncertain, and no one would want to take a big chunk of time off.
If you had needed to take the time off, you could simply have asked your boss - adding that you would respect whatever she/he said. There's nothing wrong with that.
It sounds like you figured out a very good compromise with arranging a fitting closer to your home.
You may need to confront your father. He is probably being protective and feeling that he is looking after your best interests, but you can let him know you don't appreciate painful words or yelling. I would wait to approach him until you felt a little less raw about the whole thing.
You can also point out that tears aren't a sign of delicacy, they are a sign of a human being who is frustated. You did well standing up for yourself, finding a compromise, and sorting out this messy situation. That's something to be proud of, and you can also point that out to your father.
Parents can be overbearing and think they always know what is best for their children, but if you approach him in a calm and adult manner and say you want to have a conversation about how you feel, he should respect that.
Best of luck.
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Rating: 5
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thankyou for your kind and thoughtful answer. It really helped me, and i thankyou for not being mean about it.
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