I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
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Heres my proble im female and im 16 I hope you can help,so to make a long story short i fell for my best guy friend and he lead me on for like 6 months im crazy about him it got to the point where he has become me security blanket. i've been going through a really tough time in my life right now and hes been there for me i'd tell him i loved him and hed say i love too but he wouldnt date me and i asked if him it was okay that im so dependant on him, and he told me yes its fine im here for you etc. and just recently out of the blue he was like you call me too much, I cant be your security balnket anymore plus he met someone and basically he was like here ill give you some space get over me and like now we dont really talk hes ina erlationship with this new girl of his , im so hurt cause he just like left and he promise he'd always be there for me and he promised me alot of things but he did lead me ona nd now hes basically doesnt want anything to do with me and he told me left like he did because he got sick of being my friend and i know that, thats not really the main reason why its because of this new girl and i dont know im still in love with hima nd hes my best guy friend and im so confused and hes said oh im sorry a million times but i just cant forgive him a part of me wants to hate him so much but i jsut cant because i love him and he was the first guy ive ever fallen for and ive cried so much overhim and i just cant let go of him and accpet that he did what he did out of all the people i truey care about he walked out me just like my parents did, How can I get over him i need to so bad all he does is hurt me (link)
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I think you're right - a big part of why he has left is because of his new girlfriend. Many girls would feel uncomfortable (rightly or wrongly) with their new boyfriend having a close female friend; his having a friend AS close as you would probably bother her even more.
The thing about life is that other people can't be our security blankets, no matter how safe or loved they make us feel. But if you take a step out of the pain and look at how he's treated you, it doesn't seem he's offering you a lot of love or safety right now.
To be fair to him, he never said he wanted to date you. He doesn't seem to have wanted a relationship. But to be fair to YOU, you did ask him if he was comfortable with the level of your needs - and he said he was.
Either way, he's behaved in a hurtful way. And because you love him, you'll go through the same levels of pain as a girlfriend would.
How to deal?
Well, first you have to understand that you're worthy of people who WILL stick around and be there for you. People who will love you for you, people who will stay there through the thick and thin. Those types of friends and relationships will come if you allow them to.
It sounds like this guy's leaving you reminds you of your parents leaving - and so in many ways, you have two big problems to deal with at the same time.
Open yourself to that pain. Don't block it off. Cry, punch a pillow, talk with other friends, write in a journal, rip pictures of out magazines and glue them onto a collage, go see a counsellor, spend some time alone outside, watch movies, hang out with other friends.
Basically, you'll have to find the way that allows you to best deal with everything. People are stronger than they think they can be, and this experience might just show you how incredible you really are.
I wish you the very best in life and love.
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