Gender: Female
Member Since: September 21, 2005
Answers: 10
Last Update: September 29, 2005
Visitors: 2230
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Hey, please no wise-cracks. I really don't want to deal with them right now.
Just a forewarning, this is a long one.
Everything at school used to be so easy. Then I got prescribed an anti-acne drug, and hit puberty - somewhere in there something went missing, went wrong. In the years since then, I've kind of slowly lost my purpose, occasionally it would come back, but I have no real "Drive" anymore. That is mainly what worries me. I have become the model of apathy, all the while worrying about it. I suppose that a lot of psychologists would call it depression, and try to make me "better". They would ask if I had suicidal thoughts and everything. The problem is that I live because I am living. I have suicidal thoughts, that don't MEAN anything, and I don't WANT to die - and I don't even know why, because I don't care about much anymore. I care, and I don't care. I wish I had real "fair-weather" friends, while at the same time I can't break away from my poisonous ones. My schoolwork is important, and I screw myself up worrying about it, when I could get it done so much faster without worrying, and be happy in my spare time. I don't even know why my schoolwork is important anymore, but I don't want to sacrifice it, because I know it would screw up the rest of my life. I play computer games, because I don't want to do homework, and I don't have the will to do anything that I need to do, or want to do. I keep a list of things I want to do when I have spare time, instead of wasting my life playing computer games, but somehow I feel that I will never do them, because I just go back and addict myself to a computer game. I know that I NEED to do things, and that I am screwing up my life, and I still just CAN'T find the discipline to DO anything.
So my question in short;
How do I find my will?
How do I discipline myself to do things that matter?
How do I find the courage to make new friends?
How do I shake that constant feeling of knowing I've been put in to boxes, and nobody knows who I am, and actually find people who will help me to feel happy? (link)
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Was the medicine you were prescribed Accutane? It often has side effects much like the ones you are describing. If you are stil on the Accutane, I recommend you go to the doctor and have him wean you off of it, and also perhaps be prescribed medication for depression, if you need it.
As for the video games, that will take your own willpower, but just put them somewhere and don't play them, or allott yourself xyz amount of time per day to play, and don't exceed it. Best of luck!
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Rating: 4
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(Ro)Accutane. Yes it was. I've been off it two years, the side-effects never completely wore off. I don't want anti-depression drugs. I don't like to alter my brain chemistry after the Roaccutane screwed around with it.
The video games aren't so easy. You tell me willpower. I have none.
Thanks for answering
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