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Q: I posted this to a single person, before I knew it could be answered by anybody with an account;
I am a 17 year old male, and came across your site by accident, or possibly fate. I have a big social problem. I've always been described as "the different one". I was always the one who did his work in class, or didn't do things exactly the same way as everybody else. I was just different like that since primary school. (I'll just say at this point that I'm not gay. A lot of people ask that when you say you're "different") The problem is, I've never been able to shake certain difficulties I've had as a result of being unusual. So now I find myself at 17; I've never been to a party where I've drunk. I've never been kissed. I've never had a girlfriend. Nobody knows who I am, nobody seems to care. I find it difficult to make friends, because I feel socially awkward, because everybody expects me to know things that I don't, because I never developed those social skills. Most of the friends I do have are the poisonous kind. They will be friendly some days, but only because it benefits them. At other times they seem totally unfriendly. I feel like I'm tied into keeping them, because it's not as easy as just pretending they don't exist, and if I alienated them, then I wouldn't have anybody left.
I don't want to become "normal" (if that exists as something to become), I would just like to know how I can fit better into the social structure of school life, and develop general social skills. I feel like I got expelled from the school of social interaction as a kid, and now I've found out there's no adult ed. class.
Thanks,
SilentOne

Dear SilentOne,

I can totally relate to how you feel. I was always the "different" one in high school, and no matter how hard I tried to fit in, I just couldn't. First and foremost, you should never change to fit in with others. This means doing things that you know is uncharacteristic for you. Always stay true to yourself no matter what. Being different is much better than being ordinary and like everyone else - it's something that's very valued when you get out into the real world.

My advice to you for now is to find people who you share common ground with. I'm sure there are others like you out there, who probably feel as lost and alienated as you do. People may give the impression that they don't want to talk, but you'll find people just are waiting for someone to make the "first move". You've got to meet people halfway. It may be scary at first, but you'll become comfortable in no time. Start small at first - just make yourself known.

How about joining a school club or doing an extra-curricular activity with people that share your hobbies? It's a great way to meet people. If you find yourself having difficulty speaking to people, why not get their IM? IM is a much less awkward way of getting to know people without having to deal with confrontation.

I read somewhere that if you play out situations in your head, like if you imagine yourself to be confident in a social situation, it'll help you echo this into real life. Try it, it really works!

Good luck.