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karenR
hailebop
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I really appreciate anyone who decides to read this and help me, I don't really have anyone to talk to about this.
I've been in a relationship, on and off with a boy for two years now - I'm just about to turn 18, while he's just about to turn twenty. For most of our being together our relationship has been really unstable, him always unsure if he wanted to be with me. I look back at myself and wonder why I spent so many nights worrying and letting myself become so attached.
We had what was supposed to be our 'final breakup' right around New Year's eve. I was hurt, and we were split for a little over a month, and started talking again. Not too long after, we started actually becoming connected in all of the ways we hadn't been before. To be honest, right now I'd have to say that he's probably my best friend, and we share everything with eachother. This is probably the best our relationship has ever been, and I should be loving every minute of it.
The problem? While we were split, I got to know a friend of his, *Jeffery, really well. This is someone who has betrayed my boyfriend in the past, there are shaky feelings between them although they still see eachother occasionally. I got to know Jefferey better and better and really began to like him, and him me. I stopped talking to him for the most part because I was afraid that it would hurt my boyfriend, although we were not together at the time. After a short time I thought that I made a mistake, but by then me and my (then ex-)boyfriend had started to talk again. My boyfriend and I have been together since.
Lately, me and Jefferey have been seeing a lot of eachother through mutual friends. We still have feelings for eachother, and it has been driving me crazy. While things are going really well in my relationship with my boyfriend, I feel like I will always have this question in the back of my mind, "what if". Recently me and Jeffery were hanging out together, and he tried to kiss me. I didn't let him, and told him we shouldn't hang out anymore unless I break it off with my boyfriend. I feel like this was a horrible mistake, but I feel very insecure about breaking things off with my boyfriend, who has been so great to me during all of this. We have no secrets from eachother, and I did not cheat on him. I think that Jeffery might have 'given up' on trying to be with me, and I feel a little defeated and negative about myself. I feel like I should have been more decisive, but I don't know what to think. I wish I had gotten to know Jeffery more while I was single.
Thanks to anyone who read this long thing, and thanks doubly to anyone who offers advice. My mind is a mess over this.
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You have to think about what is best for you and also the outcomes of what might happen depending on what you choose to do. You said your boyfriend and you had an unstable relationship to start with but now its ok - do you think it will ever go back to being unstable again? If you definitely think it will then think about how miserable he made you back then and how there is no way you want him to make you feel that way again. You deserve more in a relationship than always feeling unstable and insecure about it - relationships aren't about that.
Secondly, if you really think you have a future with this other guy then go for it but take things very slowly. You said he betrayed your boyfriend - in what way? Could he betray you like he betrayed your boyfriend?
You have to remember that if you split up with your boyfriend and then start seeing this guy immediately then your boyfriend will not take it well. If you split up with your boyfriend and want a relationship with this other guy then just play at being friends first and if you are definite you want to take things further then it might be an idea to talk to your boyfriend about it first instead of him having to find out from someone else. I hope i have helped a little and good luck
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