Member Since: March 1, 2005
Answers: 165
Last Update: August 21, 2005
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Malicious_Angel
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I feel like the worst person in the world. On March 17 me and my boyfriend of 3 years got into a huuuge fight because he cheated on me. Our relationship was sooo good and we always got told that we were the role model for couples, well anyways..we got into a huge fight and we said things that we didnt mean and I told him that I wish he wasnt in my life and he would just die because I hated him so much, those were my exact words. Later that night at 11:26 I got a phone call from his sister (we were really close, she was like a little sister to me) she was crying really hard and she told me that she had found him in his room laying on the floor, dead. I didnt even know what to do with myself. He had taken a gun to his head. She read me a note that he left and it said "I'm so sorry, I love you so much" thats all it said, and he had the date that we started going out until forever carved into his arm. That night when my parents found out they tried to comfort me and all that but I just didnt want to be around anyone. I went to my room and I cut myself so bad and my mom walked in and stopped me and just held me and I cried for hours, with my wrists bleeding, and I fell asleep crying in my moms arms. I'm getting help now. I went to his funeral and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, I fell to the floor when I went up to his casket at the wake and his mom had to pick me up and just hold me while we cried. I go to his house all the time and talk to his family and just tell them how sorry I am and we talk about all of our memories. I havent slept since the night it happened, and I havent been to school, the doctors say I probably wont go to school for about another month, I might be homeschooled. I can't even look at myself anymore. I can't beleive those hateful words were the last words I ever got to tell the love of my life. I'm sorry it is really long but does anyone have any advice on how to help me get through this? (link)
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*crying* I really am..not joking.
He loves you, don't you worry...he loves you and it says so in the note. I mean the note wasn't for a good purpose at all, but don't worry because if he didn't care about you and if he didn't forgive you he wouldn't have written that he loved you.
He probably had his own internal emotions that he's been hiding for a while. It was not your fault. You didn't make him turn the gun on himself, and you didn't hurt him phsically. We all say things we don't mean, but you didn't make him commit suicide. Don't think that, and you're not a horrible person. If you were a horrible person do you honestly believe you'd always be apologizing to him and his family every
time you see them? And you do honestly believe you'd be crying over him? If you were a horrible person you'd just shake it off and move on immediately..which you didn't.
You're a great person...you don't run away from this problem like it never happened. You don't just forget. You face it and are truly distraught by it. You love him, and you wouldn't intentionally hurt him.
You're not a bad person. Remember that.
`jessie
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