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Hi, what I will address won't mainly be asking for advice, but for the input of the columnists on advicenators on a very controversial issue of morals against faith in the latter of sex.
I know that among some religions that premarital sex is sinful and highly prohibited without any exceptions, but what are your opinions?
I myself am a Catholic-Christan, and believed in the "sex until marriage" thing when I was together with my boyfriend. But as we got to know each other over the years, we got into intellectual conversations about this topic and if it's argument is valid and reasonable. I'm not saying that our relationship prompted a shift in mindset on this issue, but knowing him and being with him for so many years along with witnessing other married couples made me think about this a little more thoroughly.
I started to think about it as I grew older, and I began to feel differently. The divorce rate in the U.S. is at an amazingly high rate, and more couples are breaking it off even after saving the sex until marriage "policy". On some occasions I even think that these breakoffs are due to the quality of the sex. If the sex isn't good, usually lovers leave and commit infidelity. Unless the couple is really committed to one another, they will keep trying to make the sex work out.
The way I think about this scenario now is that I believe that it is acceptable to have sex before marriage, under certain circumstances. Because a couple must establish that intellectual intimate bond with commitment, devotion, loyalty, etc. Even then does that take years to accomplish, and the time spent shows respect to each other that both partners are willing to stick it out this long and wait for each other to take action that is of great importance. Also after all that is done, the relationship goes to the next level in the stage of sex. Having sex before marriage lets the couple know how how much they really love each other and how much they are willing to commit to each other. In a sense it tests us on how much we value sex and what factor it plays in our life. And if we don't pass the test in avoiding adultery, it was never meant to be with that person, so how can a couple get married if sex and passion got the best of them to steer them toward someone else?
To conclude, although you could say I'm going against my religion, it doesn't mean that I don't have faith. A lot of the "rules" that we have to abide by sometimes do seem unreasonable, in order to understand love and all the goodness that it brings, I really don't think marriage is enough to keep someone faithful.
In no ways am I encouraging premarital sex, especially on advicenators with teeny-boppers running around having sex with their semi-erect penises, but what I am saying is that before sex comes commitment, loyalty, devotion, understanding, civility, and vice versa. But I do believe that before marriage comes sex. Why because marriage is the highest level that a couple can go through to show their love toward one another for all of eternity, and how can you reach the highest level without sharing everything of yourself to your soulmate, including your most prized possession?
I apologize if I come off a little bias, but that isn't my intention at all. I'm not promoting anything, nor am I objectifying "sex before marriage." Those couples who are able to succeed through this lifestyle, I admire you, I really do. Especially in a society that is centered around sex nowadays. But I would like to know the opinions of others to better understand this controversial subject.
Thanks and sorry for the long read! I hope to hear a lot of responses! (link)
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Although you already seem to have made your decision..I would like to point out that "Do not commit adultery" is one of the Ten Commandments. I think if you are truly a devout Christian, you would abide by those as much as you possibly can, under any circumstances. A man and a woman are not united until they become one by marriage. Anything can happen in this short time between your first time with this man up until your marriage..there are many things that could happen really. He could cheat on you, leave you if you became pregnant, or one of you could die and not be able to become married. If you're the one who passes away (God forbid)..since you are judged by your sins, you would probably end up in the fiery evil of hell. Either way, it is a sin. If you have done it already, you may consider going to your Father of Confession and confessing and not doing it again until you really ARE married. I still respect your decision and I hope either way, you'll do the right thing =)
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Rating: 5
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I respect your opinion, and I agree you're right that adultery is a part of the Ten Commandments, but read carefully that premarital sex is what I was addressing and IS NOT the same as adultery. Yes a lot can happen between the first time up to marriage, but if the couple has established the specified aspects (what I said about devotion, commitment, etc), then adultery is unlikely to happen. With your statement about pregnancy, that's why mankind invented birth control! I am not highly religious, but I am devoted to my Catholic faith. I'm not saying that sex before marriage should be encouraged, but under some circumstances it's better than saving sex until marriage. Like one of the columnists said, if adultery occurs after marriage, WHAT'S THE POINT OF GETTING MARRIED? Usually people just assume cheating between any couple to be adultery, but mainly adultery is targeted to those who have taken in the sacrament of matrimony. I respect your opinion entirely, but keep in mind the difference between premarital sex and adultery. My opinion is that the policy against premarital sex is outdated, but those who choose to save until marriage I highly respect. I just believe you have to thoroughly know a person and share everything with them in order to better understand them as a person and as a soulmate, even if it includes sex. This way, you know how they respond to sex, and if the lover ends up leaving, it was never meant to be and it saves us the hassle of getting married to a punk who we thought we knew. You get what I'm saying? Well anyways, I greatly value you're opinoin and I hope you will take my words into consideration. Just remember I'm not promoting any actions; if anything, I'm trying to encourage true love, not lust, passion, infatuation, or anything of the sort!
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