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karenR
hailebop
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I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with my boyfriend lately. I've been with him almost 6 years and we have 1 child together, our 1 year old son. My boyfriend is usually an all around nice guy who is family oriented and fun to be with. He is a dedicated worker and family man. But lately he seems self-destructive. Keep in mind he works two jobs so he is working 17 hours 5 days a week which he's been doing over a year now. He gets NO sleep, maybe 2 hours a night. That could be what's getting to him. But he is unwilling to make a change. I told him he either needs depression medication or a job change or both. So he's been extremely mean to me lately, turning everything I say upside down and picking fights with me in front of our son. He seems to not be caring about anything and he's so cold and hard inside. I prefer not to say exactly what, but he's been getting into something substance related, he's having like a relapse of our old party days or something, he's got the wrong friends. He actually took something out in front of our child and I had to pull him from his high chair and take him in the other room. He's like, "what, he doesn't know what's going on." and I'm like, "it' doesn't matter it's the act." Also, he smokes cigarettes and I hate cigarettes and we have an agreement not to smoke in the house. But he's been smoking in here anyway after I go to bed. I don't believe me and my child should have to suffer for his bad habit, he should take it outside. He knows my wishes but goes behind my back anyways. He would normally never do this. I'm not a mean girlfriend, just a good mother. So this is totally not normally him and I don't understand what is happening here. All he does is bitch about life and say how he's going to die early and stuff and I'm so sick of it now. He never wants to do anything anymore with us as family. I don't want our son growing up in this environment, but also, I really love and care about my boyfriend and know that something deep inside him is really wrong and I would hate to turn my back on him, but am tempted to kick him the fuck out, he's really pressing my buttons, it's like he's seeing how far I will go with this. Also, our sex life is nothing to complain about, just so you know. Is this something we may be able to get passed or is this an ending he has created and he's going to lose everything that's good in his life? I know it's up to him to make a change, but how much should I take? Once it's over with us, that's it, it's over, that's why I am putting off the end until whatever sets me off, sets me off. Please help. (link)
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I think your boyfriend has to realise how much you and your son mean to him. Because he is so tired and exhausted he is getting low and perhaps seems an easy target for his old friends to reappear and give him something to 'help take all his problems away'. This obviously is not what he really wants but he's still sticking with it for now. I bet you cook and clean for him? If he doesn't talk to you then you have to take drastic action. Don't end it yet or kick him out. Have you got a friend or family you could go and stay with for a week or maybe two? By doing this you will give him time on his own to, not only realise what a mistake he's making by getting into the drugs but also how much he depends on you without realising it. He will be lonely and he will want you back and its only then that he will realise what an asshole he is being. I don't think he can realise this with you around. Obviously talk to him about it first or if he doesn't listen, write him a letter. You can meet up during the week for lunch or dinner and talk about things, without the baby, and see if its helping and to see if he is coming to his senses. After the week/2 weeks he will realise how upset he's made you and you will be able to make up your mind about how you feel in the relationship.
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Rating: 5
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Thank you so much, that is really good advice and I am going to take it.
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