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My name is Laura and I'm happy to help out with questions if you're asking about a subject I happen to be familiar with. I work at an agency that assists victims of domestic violence and sexual assault, so I'm able to answer questions about those kinds of situations. However, I'll often simply refer people to an agency like the one I work for in their area*, it's usually the best advice I can give. I can also answer most questions about positive dating and sexual relationships, including safe sex. I'm a big fan of the political system so I can answer general questions about that as well, although I won't do your homework for you. My other interests include houseplants, hermit crabs and kiwi fruit. Ask away!


*If I tell you to seek help from a domestic violence or sexual assault agency in your area and you're not sure where one is or where to find out, feel free to ask me. Just let me know what city and state (or country, if ouside the US) you live in and I'll give you full contact information for the agency closest to you that will provide the services you need. If you're concerned about privacy, I'm happy to send you the information without posting it on my column, just let me know if that's what you want.


National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233


National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE

advice

I am not looking forward to thanksgiving this year because everything is so messed up. My boyfriend (of 5 and a half years) was best friends with this guy for 6 years. Now they are complete enemies (I won't get into why, it'll make this ? way too long). Well, this guy he was friends with, lets call him "dildo," has been with my sister for 2 years and they are now pregnant together so he is now in my family. So my family is all getting together and stuff for thanksgiving and Dildo is going to be there with my sister and my b'friend was really looking forward to going until he found out Dildo was going. Now of course he can't. My family says they can't both be there because no confrontations can be stirred up because my grandmother is old with a weak heart. So they (as in my mother and my sister) decided to choose to let Dildo go because he can't go to his families because they all hate him. (Dildo is an Italian tough guy who is a thief and con artist type of guy), they chose him even though he is the one that left a threatening message on our answering machine because he decided to jump to conclusions one day and listen to false accusations. I am so mad! The rest of my family would have chose my b'friend over him, but they have to pretend to be nice for my sister's sake, so they kinda gotta stay out of it. My b'friend is a Sonny Corinthos from General Hospital type of guy who if you betray him he doesn't forgive (no, he's not an Italian mobster). Now I am supposed to go over there with my 1 year old son and just leave my b'friend here at home alone. I am supposed to eat there, come back home, and then go to his family's. But eating takes so long, I'll be there so late I know it, my b'friends day will suck so bad for him waiting for me alone (we have 1 car, he has to wait). I am tempted to just stay home with me, him, and the baby and skip thanksgiving dinner altogether (I don't know how to cook birds). I don't want to spend the entire day at his family's either cuz they're all bi-polar psychos who just argue all the time. Sorry this was so long, but what do I do??? Thanks to whoever can help.

I sounds like you consider your boyfriend to be part of your family, and you should never be forced to choose between parts of your family. However, if Thanksgiving is one of the only times you see your entire family you wouldn’t want to miss an opportunity to see people you may not get to talk to often. In virtually any other circumstance, I strongly encourage going with your gut instinct and ditching them on Thanksgiving. Your family is forcing you to choose between them and your boyfriend, they’re not really attempting to resolve this problem (are they going to do this at every family event from now on?), and they seem to have made a decision based on pretty flimsy criteria. Regardless of where you choose to be, I would definitely sit down with whoever made this decision and have a very honest conversation about how their decision made you feel, what your Thanksgiving plans are and how the family is going to deal with this issue in the future, seeing as neither of these two guys seems to be going away. Lastly, it might be extremely helpful to encourage your boyfriend to try and resolve this conflict. You mentioned he doesn’t forgive, I wonder if the other party has made attempts to improve the situation. If so, I can see how the decision your family made was justified. Whatever they’re fighting about is only leading to stress for you and for your family, and it’s not ever going to get better. Chances are, in the greater scheme of things, this conflict is pretty minor and it will serve all involved very well for your boyfriend to be the bigger person by burying the hatchet.

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(Rating: 5) Very well put, thank you very much.
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