about

I'm 22 and though I'm still young, I'm very mature for my age. I feel that I've been through almost every friend/love/school drama situation possible. I love to give advice to all people and look forward to helping you! *Melissa*

My quote of the week: "We cannot change our past...We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.
The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it!"

advice

I don't know where to begin with so much going through my mind and my heart except to get directly to the point, which I'm sure you would appreciate. How do you stop loving and caring for someone that means so much to you when you don't even know how the relationship ended to begin with? I guess that's a pretty wide open question huh Doctor? Can you even relate to what I'm talking about because to tell you the truth I am so baffled at this point, things in my everyday life aren't even making sense to me anymore. It's like I'm just going through the motions everyday, but at the end of the day not really remembering too much of anything except the constant, nagging pain in my heart, which is really unbearable. I am an adult female who thought she had a pretty good thing going with an adult male. THOUGHT being the key word here. No, everything was not always perfect, but what is? Nothing major that we couldn't handle. We seemed to make each other happy in all kinds of ways that you may not even be able to imagine. I still do believe that the love was mutual and not just one-sided, but maybe I was wrong. He told me he loved me and I believed him. Shouldn't I have believed him? Isn't that what love should be based on, trust? I actually "felt" the love and caring that he had for me so I know that it wasn't one-sided. I totally trusted this man, with my life, literally. We had constant, daily communication that one day just abruptly came to a halt. And I do mean a screeching halt! Not a halt on my part either, but his. With no explanation in any form he just no longer shared any type of communication with me whatsoever. What's that all about? We had a little communication problem the night before everything ended and I was in a position where I could not make him fully understand what all was taking place, no I was not with another man or anything remotely like that, I was just in a position that made it impossible for me to talk at that moment> Let me stop there because I know that's not making sense to you. However I never got the chance to tell him what the whole deal was. And it doesn't look like I ever will. That was the last night that I ever talked to him. I love this man so much more than I ever thought that I possibly could love someone and I know that we would have been so good together and I know that he knows that too. What's the problem then you might ask? As I stated before, he will not answer any of my calls, he no longer calls me, and I don't really know what to think. I do know that he is a very open minded caring person and this just isn't like the man I fell in love with to not let me know what the problem is, so what do I do? Please don't tell me to just simply ask him what happened because like I said, he will not take my calls or contact me. How can anyone be that cold-hearted? He has totally broke my heart, broke my spirit, and yanked my soul right out! The biggest problem that I have is not understanding what happened! Surely you can understand that? He has to know that doesn't he? You can't possibly be in constant contact with someone throughout the entire day, every single day, and then one day just stop all communications and not expect them to question what the hell happened. Obviously he just doesn't want anything to do with me, that's a no-brainer. But until he tells me so and tells me why, how can I ever have any closure with the relationship, or even have any peace for my ever so confused, battered, busted up heart? I miss him terribly. I guess I got that point across pretty well already. On the flip side of this sad, but true story - Right in sync with him just totally ignoring me, this is unreal, but true, all of these men out of my past and some that have been trying to go out with me or come into my life all called in a one-week period. Sad, but true, I'm just not interested. How can I be even remotely interested anyway when nothing has been resolved with him. I will not be interested in anyone in that same way again because I know in my heart that he is the one for me, I know it, and he knows it too. Or maybe not? How do I find out what went wrong when it's impossible to ask anyone a question when they simply won't talk to you? Now how cold is that? Doesn't everyone deserve that much? I know they do, and yes, I know people don't always get an explanation even though there always is one. I don't know how to make you understand that he is just not that "typical" person that just leaves people's hearts hanging without an explanation, or maybe I just have him figured all wrong. Am I a total fool? If so then I'm a fool in love. If that is the case and I am to never get an answer, how do I go on? I can't keep walking around everyday crying, in a freaking daze, with real pains in the pit of my stomach as well as my heart. All of the people who know me know that I smile all the time and am for the most part a happy person always trying to bring a smile to others. But since that day, they all ask me where my smile is, where's that sparkle in my eyes, where's my spunk, where's my love for life? I'm not going to get it back until I know what happened. What do I do? How does one stop loving when they don't even know what went wrong? How do you ever get your mind, heart, and soul "together" again? How do you ever trust again? How do you stop the very real pain? I am a grown woman and this was not a little crush. I took it very seriously as he told me he did too. I did things for him that I had never done for anyone else to try and please him, which ultimately pleased me in doing so. As you can tell my thoughts are all over the place. And like I said I don't see how I can "pull myself together" without answers. This is really, really rough and I don't think he gets that or he would talk with me, right? What to do? How to cope? When does the pain stop? Why did this happen? Why can't I get any answers? How to trust again? When I commit to something or to someone, I really try to give it my all, which is why I get hurt so easily. That, I can answer.


Signed; Desperately Seeking An Answer

It's like you and I are in an extremely similar situation. It's so weird. I read your problem and I'm like, wow sounds like I wrote this. I wish I could give you great advice and help you get over this whole situation and work past the problems, but unfortunately I can't. I don't know the answers myself. I know the unbearable feeling, the empty stomach. Trust me, I know. The only thing that I've found to do is to watch tv or movies, do crossword puzzles, stupid little things that keep my interest. I go out whenever I have the chance to try and remember that I made it before him and I'll make it after him. If you know where he works, send him flowers and on the card simply write...thinking of you, dont know where we went wrong, if this is what you want, tell me, i just need closure. Closure is the key to ending all relationships. Without that it makes it almost impossible to get over someone. I desperately feel for you sweetie and I wish I had more to say to you to help out your situation. But like I say, I'm going through the same thing.Find something to occupy your time to make that smile, that smirk, the love for life of yours come back even if just a little bit. From the sounds of it we are pretty similar and we're goooooood people. Maybe he just needs a little time to sort out his feelings. If things were as good as you say they were, he's gonna call. He would be stupid to let something that great walk out of his life. Best of luck with everything. Let me know how everything turns out! Muahhhhh....keep your head up! Nice women like us are hard to find.

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(Rating: 5) I wish I could give you a rating higher than a 5, because I definitely would! Maybe because of a combination of things such as : I could tell that you had truly read and "felt" all that I was writing about, and you said that we are both in an extremely similar situation so I believe you relate to what I'm feeling, and because you gave me advice that was both realistic and helpful. You brightened my day even with all that's going on. I will have to agree with your comment: "Nice women like us are hard to find." Thank You for caring enough to take the time to read my very long "thoughts" and questions and for the suggestions on how to pass the time ;) Keep up the good work - You're one in a million who truly cares about people - I can tell. So will others.
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