I am a mommy, a wife and a woman with a lot to say. People are fascinating and I love to study and understand what motivates, inspires and intimidates us into making the choices we make. I want to share my insight and continue to learn even more about the human psyche. Ask away!!
Gender: Female
Occupation: mom, student, small business owner
Member Since: May 30, 2004
Answers: 4
Last Update: May 31, 2004
Visitors: 2420
Main Categories:
Love Life
Nutrition
Parenting
View All
|
| |
The man I'm about to tell you about is a friend that's married. We were co-employees in the same building. Our relationship started out from insults, literially! He's 6'7" and I'm 5'2" so you can imagine the short and tall insults we through at one another. The insults turned into jokes and jokes changed into long conversations as we appeared to be on the same level in so many things. The conversations turned into unexplained feelings that couldn't be denied by either but we were friends and he got engaged.
He's now married (about 2 months)but still wants to keep our friendship knowing there are underlying feelings that neither of us seem to have a firm grip on. We tell ourselves that we can be friends but who's kidding who? He got genuine feelings for me and I know this! We've talked about it but he's decided to let these feelings, out of nowhere, take him wherever they might lead! He's (we've) had these feelings before he got married and at first I thought it was going to be okay, but it seems they've gotten strong since then.
I've tried to put him out of my mind by substituting him with work, other friends and family but it doesn't help when he calls just wanting to talk or ask me to meet him. Nothing's happened between us physically but I'm feelings that's only a matter of time as there's a lot of chemistry and sexual tension between us whenever we're together. I've always prided myself in not getting involved with married men but in this case we're a little different since we started out unattracted to one another and it's grown into feelings that won't seem to go away for either of us. He's tried, or so he's says, not to think about me and concentrate on his marriage, but he can only for a few days before he calls me. I can't explain what I feel for him in words as I've never felt this way for anyone! I've always been able to turn my feelings off and on when it came to men as my first and only love saw to that. My girlfriend thinks we're falling in love (the real thing) with one another. Our relationship has grown over the past 2 years but I don't know if I can control what might happen between us. He's the first to make me feel anxious. The first man I've longed to be with in over 20 years. I've only been in love once in my life but this feels so different! He invades my dreams, for God's sake!
I need someone to put this in prospective for me. Confirm that it's wrong to feel this way about a married man, especially when I can't act upon those feelings. Is this really love or are we all a victim of circumstance? How can you be married to one but have strong feelings for another? Okay, there's much more to this story but this is the jest of it. Is there someone out there that can help? This time it's the advisor that's needs the help . . . . how ironic???? (link)
|
Think about this...
If this person will cheat on his wife with you, what on earth makes you think that he wouldn't cheat on you with someone else?
It is very easy to be swept away by emotion and feelings of love. You must weigh the consequences of your actions. They are very, very high. The bottom line is that (and I recognize that you will probably not believe this)when he looks at you - as wonderful as you may be - he is not seeing you he is seeing a way out of his marriage. A marriage, it sounds like, he didn't want from the beginning. You are merely a distraction for him, anything for him not to have to focus on the real issue and that's the fact that he now has a wife and doesn't know what to do with all of the emotions, and fear being married has made him feel.
I hope that you will at least contemplate the fact that your are being used (not in an evil and vindictive way, but just in a convenient way). Please don't put yourself in a position where you will feel more pain and confusion.
Find yourself someone who is completely available to you. That's what you deserve, not sneaking around and lying and never knowing where you stand. Because one thing is true when you get involved with a married man, he'll always be someone else's husband. Good Luck.
|
|
Rating: 5
| |
That was very good advice and all of what you've said I've thought about more than once. Yes, I am a distraction for him and it's up to me to take myself out of the equation as I've been trying to do. We were friends long before his marriage and yes, I do believe he didn't want the marriage to begin with. The marriage is a form of ecomonics more than love and commitment. They both understood that when they entered into this venture but I think she's hoping he'll learn to love her as I suspect she already does him. He and I have talked about this in length. She knew of a relationship that he was exploring but was determined to not let him find out the possibilities out of fear of loosing him. Nothing beyond our talking and caring for one another has happened or will happen, for that matter! I've made up my mind about that and he's well aware of my decision. He's not pressuring me in the least. And, he's not new to marriage (his 3rd) so there does not lie the fear. His fear is loosing our friendship. The kind of friendship it's become. He'll always be a friend no matter what happens! But, that's all it can ever be as long as he is married. So, being used as a distraction? I'll admit to that but being used otherwise, I can't and won't allow that! He knows his way out of the marriage, it's just a question of how much he's willing to sacrafice for leaving it? Your advice is sound and very well taken. Thank you!
|
|