Member Since: May 3, 2004
Answers: 7
Last Update: May 11, 2004
Visitors: 1405
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I had a great friendship with a girl, but I made the mistake of asking her to open up to me about my past and feelings. My logic was since she's so afraid that my opinion of her would be lowered if I knew about her past, then she would come to some relief in knowing that my opinion of her would never be changed by something she did years ago. She told me, then days later she was furious about me knowing about her past. So my problem is this: I am in love with her, and she's very distant. I never asked her out because she's against dating, but now she is around another guy a lot who also loves her. I don't think she's attracted to me, so there's little hope to begin with (We told each other everyone we had a crush on. She was on my list, I wasn't on her's). This guy is open about his love, and is very touchy-feely towards everyone, especially with her. I'm afraid she'll start dating him, and never really speak to me again. I give her rides from school, and recently she just walked off with the other guy without saying a word. I caught up with them, and she said she was walking home, and had plans to go mushroom hunting. But she walked in the opposite direction of her house and it was starting to rain. I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into this,or if she really doesn't want to see me anymore. So should I tell her how I feel and ask her who she'd rather be with, or should I spare myself the pain and depression that would follow and ignore this or ignore her. If this, then how do I possibly get over her, I don't really have many people I can talk to and I'm so very in love. (link)
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It is possible that she did like you, but was ashamed/embarrassed to admit it. Perhaps because of her painful past, she is afraid that you might cause her more pain, or that she might cause you grief. If you two are as close as you say, then she may have some latent fear, based on past experience, of dating a friend. Maybe she believes that pushing you away will be better for you in the long run. I believe you should ask her out. Rejection can be painful, but the worst thing she could say would be, "No!" Remember that you never know until you try, and if she says does tell you no, also remember that if you love someone, you have to let them go.
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Rating: 5
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While it's great advice, I don't want to risk our friendship. I can handle rejection from an attractive girl, but not from a great friend. I think I'll just try to be the beast friend I can be to her. She would be too afraid to date me anyway. I don't want her to grow more distant than she already is. (Written later) I've decided to tell her, and hope that our friendship can be patched up from this terrible ordeal. After discussing it: Well, it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would, because we're still close. I just hope she doesn't date the other guy, she can do better than me, and he's not.
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