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Q: My husband is a sweet guy but sometimes I think he has his priorities mixed up. He was going to bring his friend flowers for her B-day, which I was fine with, but he found out she is having a few stressful problems and now wants to give her a spa package, which is like $60-$80. We are not poor, but money is a little tight, we already went to an expensive dinner with her, isn't that enough?
I would never spend that much even on my family. What makes me mad is that he is so determined to do something nice for her, but he wouldn't go out and get his mother a card for Mothers Day. Or for Valentines Day I got flowers a week before just because, but on the actual day, I was home sick with the flu and I got nothing, and we never did anything later. I know his heart is in the right place, but I wish he would put the people that really love him up higher on his priority list. Am I being selfish, or jealous, or am I right to be upset?
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This sounds a little bit suspicious to me. I understand someone being sweet, and I too would send my friend flowers on his birthday, but unless he was a really, REALLY GOOD friend (hmm...) I don't think I'd spend $60-80 on a spa package for him.
I think there's a little bit of odd activity going on with your husband, and from the point of view of someone who has a very longterm relationship, I would have some mental questions.
Of course there is the thought that she's more important to him than you, so the logical question is Why? If the answer your mind supplies is "cheating", then examine that. Go ahead and be jealous because after all, he IS your husband, and while it's wrong to build a fence around him, it is NOT wrong to expect respect and devotion from him. Marriage after all is not *just* two people that happen to live together having separate lives. That's college roommates.
I suggest you talk to him about what's going on, and say that although you love the way he has enough affection to give to others, you're upset that you aren't getting as much affection as you feel you're due. It may be he simply thinks you _know_ he loves you, so he won't go out of his way to court you, as it were.
Do your best to communicate and put him on the spot if you must, but don't leave it unresolved and 'don't go to bed angry'.
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I never said I don't trust him.
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bio
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People have been coming to me for advice so long, I might as well do this all in one spot. I watch a lot of unfathomable Japanese TV and drink a lot of coffee. I'm a freshly-hatched Illustration major, formerly trapped & dying in the American South, now busily teaching phrases to all of Nagoya Japan. I'm always on the lookout for more video games and sushi.
I have lots of interesting pets. Wanna see my beetle?
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Info
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Website: Gender: Female Location: America, now Nagoya Occupation: Eigo sensei/Illustrator Age: 22 AIM: Yahoo: Member Since: December 5, 2003 Answers: 255 Last Update: October 11, 2008 Visitors: 23031
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Favorite Columnists
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