Hi, I'm a young 50 year old father of three (two sons one 5 and one 21, and a daughter of 31) from Romford, England. I have a lot of experience of life from both the good and bad sides, the good side when I was singing in bands almost every night and my life was one long party, and the bad side having to admit I'm an alcoholic and doing a hard rehab/detox programme (sober for 10 years now) then having a heart attack and a broken marriage to deal with. I am now in a good place in my own mind and want to help others as much as I am able to.
E-mail: supernaut@ntlworld.com
Gender: Male
Location: Romford, London, England
Occupation: Unemployed
Age: 50
Member Since: November 19, 2005
Answers: 63
Last Update: July 30, 2007
Visitors: 8602
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Well I'm a 16 year old girl.
Ok. To be blunt, ever since I was about 6 I have been praying that my parents or someone would abuse me or give me a reason to run away and never come back. I am trying to end this cycle but nothing has helped so far. I guess ever since I was little I never felt good enough for someone to love me. When I was younger I was always causing trouble in order for them to get sick of me and tell me what I already believed was true. Is there something I can do to end this cycle? (link)
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Life can be very difficult when you suffer from self loathing, which is what you sound like you are suffering from, I know that because I also suffer from it. It lead me to live a life almost entirely of lies and pretending to be things that I wasn't, and also lead to me ending up as an alcoholic. I got sober just over two years ago and have spent much of the last two years trying to come to terms with my self loathing, it has been very difficult and took me so far down that I even attempted suicide, and I'm not completely there yet as far as dealing with it is concerned but I feel that I'm through the worst of it. Please get some professional help and advice before this situation gets any worse, you have a lot of living ahead of you and you need to start to enjoy it.
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I am concerned for my Grandson's emotional well-being. He is a step-child at both his parents homes - they share him on a weekly - weekend basis, and have good communication- and good relationship with one another. The boy is 8. He is getting into trouble at school: being sassy and not following instructions. At his mom's he is very sassy to her, and gets in trouble with his step-dad for this behavior. Lots of time-outs and missed activities. He has a 2yr. old half brother and an infant half-sister at his mom's house. At his father's he is the only child, although his step-mom is pregnant (he doesn't know yet).
This school year he began a "new" habit of not putting on underware when he gets himself dressed for school. On Friday's I picked him up after school, and asked him to change before his dad came to pick him up from my home, after getting off work. He made an excuse about playing in the school yard and falling, which got his underware wet from the grass. I collected his school clothes to wash them and asked for his soiled underware. He said he left them in his desk. I do not think this is so. I believe he did not wear any to school, again.
He spends a lot of time with me and his grandad and he weas all his clothing items here - also at his dad's house. Could his not wearing his underware signal han attempt to get help for whatever is frustrating him at his mom's and at school? (link)
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As a seperated father with a teenage son, and having talked to others about this kind of thing myself, I would say that one thing that seems to happen a lot is that the child starts to view whichever parent they spend the week days with as being almost a 'bad guy' because they are the one's constantly telling them to clean their room, or get stuff done for school, and things like that, whereas the other parent doesn't seem so bad because they only have the child for a short period of time and often tend to spend that time doing more fun things with them. They need to work together to have a united approach, maybe both couples should meet up to discuss the problem and try to work out a solution between them. I think you also have to remember that kids start growing up a lot earlier these days and they start going through the usual growing pains and angst before their parents did. Try not to be too hard on the kid, remember this isn't easy for him.
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18/f
Is there ever such thing as unselfish sex? I'm not talking about when you are only giving to receive.
I'm having a usual weekend (too much time on my hands) existential crisis, and wondering whether I really do it because I want to make him happy, or simply because I like being physically close to someone, to have someone in my arms, because I like to touch him, because I find him physically attractive.
And in the same way, when he touches me, is it actually just because it makes him happy to have a girl in his arms?
So, does anyone think its possible to be truly unselfish in this regard - is it ever really about the other person?
And should I be worrying about it?
(NB I should just add that our relationship is fairly on-off - a lot of the time we are more like very close friends who hug and kiss, but will then cross the thin dividing line now and then!) (link)
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I don't think sex can ever be totaly unselfish, but I don't think that's a problem. In order for sex to be a pleasurable experience I think you have to feel that you are both giving something and getting something from it, that doesn't mean that it isn't possible for someone to experience a great deal of pleasure from actually performing a sexual act on someone else without having a sexual act performed on them. I think that the main thing about sex, and indeed any kind of intimate relationship, is that it should be mutually enjoyable and benifitial to both people, if it isn't then it will eventually become too one sided and fall apart or just slip into being boring.
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