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Hello my name is FM. I believe Im the right person to give advice because I tell it like it is. I used to have my own email advice program, but it messed up. Feel free to ask me anything, Im all yours!

advice

alrite mister person you! i have sum questions for you! alrite well your like what 16...? so where the hell do you get the athority to give ppl adivce when you dont even no how to run your own life yet! your a lil kid still!! and you are telling ppl about thier love life and shit and i dont think you should be tellin ppl what to do and what not to do in a relationship when you are too young to actually be in love your slef.. and yeah what the fuck are you doing her??!?!?!

~confused and pist off~

Dear confuesed, i am 16.. ok? i am a kid.. not saying that im not.. look at my questions.. i havent helped anyone? they dont HAVE to ask me for advice.. and yeah, im giving it, got a problem? Im here because I want to be here.. what the fuck are YOU doing here? just messing with people? I thought this was an advice site, not a "lets-bag-on-people-who-are-trying-to-help" site.. How can u judge what love is by age? I think you really need to take a look at urself before u start criticizing everyone else pal.. so heres my advice for your punk ass, "..fuck..off.."
~FM

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Dear FM,

I have a boyfriend, that I have been going out with for almost a month...let's call him "Tim". I barely ever see him and he lives in another town. I flirt with my friends a little too much sometimes, and last night I was a little too close to my one friend. I didn't do anything majorly bad, but I still feel bad about it. But I don't know if I like "Tim" as much as I should. I don't like my friend...but I'm still not sure about everything. And the problem is, one of my best friends, "Mary", is good friends with "Tim". If she knew about this, and if he found out, I don't know what I'd do. Should I break up with "Tim" or give it some time and see what happens?

Signed,
LoveInOhio

Dear loveinohio,
I know how the long distance thing goes. I dont think Ive ever had a good close distance relationship. Because the people here suck, but thats besides the point. Do you talk to "Tim"? I know that the long distance communication is hard. Trust me! My phone bill was close to $400 last month. If you dont talk to "Tim", but you still like him, then dont break up with him. Because it will work out! Although, you have to tell him about your friend that you were close to. Keeping it from him will just hurt him in the long run. My friends are backstabbers. Theyre all close with my boyfiend and they tell him every little thing that I do. But I tell him when I fuck up, or when I think its something that he needs to know, because hes very understanding when the truth comes from me. If "Mary" does that to you then shes really not a good friend to you. Its really freaky how much we have in common. Im really pulling for you and Tim! Good Luck, and please, keep the love(or just like) alive.
~FM

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dear fm~
what might your boyfriend say if i were to tell him i have the hugest boner for you??? the chocolate syrup bottle is right here!!!

Whipped cream

Well, Whipped Cream,
Im pretty sure my boyfriend knows that you do! You should come over! and bring the chocolate syrup!
~FM

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dear fm~
up there in ur bio it says "im all yours"..now..my question is..what can i do with you?
signed~
chocolate syrup

Dear Chocolate Syrup,
might I say, I love your name! "Im all yours" means, I am all yours to ask questions, BUT! Since I love your name so much, you can do whatever you want with me!
~FM

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Dear FM,
About 4 months ago there was this guy, who liked me a lot! A lot a lot! Then, i didnt like him at all! Now i see how stupid i was, because i like him a lot, a lot now!I am completly lost in how to get my feelings out for him...Should i just try and get over him? I need help!
Signed,
Confused

Dear Confused,
NEVER give up! If you like him, then tell him! This is your second chance, you might not get another. If you dont tell him you will look back on it when your older and feel really bad. If you have trouble telling him, just write him a letter and give it to him. It might sound childish, but it does get your point across. Good Luck!
~FM

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dear fm

i am have been in love with one of my friends for quite sometime. i have always been there for this friend and have watched my friend go through relationships. i have seen this person happy with some, and to the point where this person wanted to kill themself while with others. i have tried many times to tell my friend how i feel. i really love this person and i dont want to fuck up anything. currenty this person is involved with someone else, and it crushes me to know that i may never get to be with this person. now i ask you, what do you think i should do?
signed,
SilentLover

Dear Silent Lover,
wow.. Im really sorry about your situation. If the person you love doesnt feel the same then theres nothing you can do except make that person realize how much they mean to you while still respecting their partner. I hope that the person you loves feelings change. Good Luck.
~FM

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what would you say if i told you i had a dream of this:

i softly whisper "keep the noise low" as i slightly kiss your neck as i throw you back on the bed playfully.while we are both breathing quiet and smooth,i take a smile and press my hips onto yours as my right hand smoothly rests on your side under your shirt. our lips meet for a passionate kiss as my left hand carresses your right cheek.our tongue-tied lips part as i slowly suck on your bottom lip as my right hand soothingly goes up your shirt slowly and my left hand takes off on your face and holds down your right hand to the bed as we look into each others eyes. i smile slightly as my right hand that was traveling up your shirt lands on your milky white breast. as i kiss you one last time,i whisper "so should i get the syrup or you?

the end..what do you say to all that??

Dear hottest guy ever,
I would say, can you come over like right now??!!?? and then I would help you make that lil story thing come true!
~FM

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Dear FM,
I have sorta built up this reputation as a pimp recently, on account of all the partying I have been doing. Now Im not complaining about the lifestyle, I mean I what ever man could ever wish for, Money, liquor, and women...HELLA women. The problem is, that I want something a little more...but i dont want to give up the being a pimp. What do you think I should do?

Signed
-Big []D [] []\/[] []D

Dear Big,
I think you should take a good look at your life. If you want to look back when your 40 *if ur not 40 already* and be like, damn that was fun, or do you want to look back on it and be like, I regret that. You say you want more, maybe you should give up the "PIMP" lifestyle and settle down for a while, if you find that you dont like that then by all means give it up. Just make sure that if you do settle down and its going to hurt someone if you give it up, then you might have to reconsider. This was a very hard question but thanks for asking. Good Luck!
~FM

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hey there,
theres a girl i realy realy like and i think she cares about me but she dosent feel the same way i feel about her. i want to be her friend becuse i dont want to loser her all together just cuz she donesn't feel the same about me. we are friends but it seems like she is a little defensive around me like she thinks im still trying to get with her, i just want things to be cool and for her to open up to me and think of me the way she did before, any advice? thanks

-someguy

Dear Someguy,
I think that you should let her know that you just want to be her friend. Tell her that all you intend is for you two to be friends. Then she'll have no reason to be defensive. Just dont act all flirty around her or she might get the wrong impression. And in this case, time is your friend! Good luck!!
~FM

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what would you say if i told you i wanted to dip you in chocolate syrup and put whipped cream on you and lick it all off till you are fully clean of syrups and cream and slowly i nibble on your bottom lip as my hands softly and smoothly caress your stomach and sides and then i slowly go down and start kissing your neck and licking it with my detailed tongue,licking off what is left of the syrup and cream???

signed--
i wonder hwo this is from

Dear I wonder,
I would say that I have a boyfriend and I think that you two sould hang out so that you can put those faboulus ideas into his head. I think you are a very sexual person, and its very attractive.
~FM

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dear FM!
i'm really confused about where i am relationship wise..i have a totally awesome guy who likes me, but i freak out whenever i'm around him!! i get so nervous, that i'm not even giving him a chance! how should i handle this...!!
..miss condondrum..

Dear Miss Condondrum,
Well ask yourself why do you nervous? Do you like him too? If so, the answer is simple, run up to him and kiss him!! It gets all the tension out of the way and believe me, you wont be nervous around him anymore. You might be a little embarrassed but it works. If your too shy for that, just talk to him when no one else is around because then, its just you and him. You can show him the real you. If that still doesnt work, then you should just talk to him about how you feel. Hope my crazy thoughts help in some way.
~FM

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hey advice person..i need help..ok..im in love with this girl ive been dating for about a month and a half,and i love her to pieces and i dont know what id do without her..she makes me such a better person and without her,id just..wither away..i mean seriously,shes just soo amazing and im afraid ill lose her..i have a couple of questions..
1.do you think she feels the same way?
2.do you think we'll have sex? lol
3.if i love her soo damn much and she loves me sooo damn much,then why are we apart??

signed--
"Hands down chrstina's the best"

Dear Hands Down,
She sounds great. I'd like to meet her, I bet she could give ME advice. But yes, I do think she feels the same way. If she cares enough to make you feel like you do then yes for SURE she feels the same way! I dont know about the sex thing. Im pretty sure you will since your in love. I dont know why you are apart. It must be a long distance thing huh. Those suck. Especially when the phone bills get high and the girl gets in trouble. But she loves you alot so you dont have to worry about anything else. I can tell your love is strong enough to stand anything from the way you described it. Good luck Hands Down.
~FM

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Where do babies come from??

Dear, Where do babies come from,

that isnt advice its a question that can be answered with a scientic answer. But if you really want to know, they come from space.

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What do I do when I feel like everything one of my close friends pisses me off? Every little thing she does sends me over the edge. I don't want to lose her cuz she's great, and I don't see her much cuz she's in highschool...but she really gets on my nerves. What should i do?


Signed,
Cashy

I totally know what you mean.

how is she great if everything she does bugs the fuck out of you though? you should just tell her one of the things that bug you. because then she'll look at it, change it and focus on more things she can change, since that one thing she thought she was doing right wasnt.. hopefully she doesnt change the person she is over one thing.. but then again i ask, how is she great when she bugs u so much?

maybe in time, the things that bug u wont bug you so much.. u might just get used to all her annoying things after a while..

~FM

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