Gender: Male
Location: West haven ct
Member Since: January 12, 2016
Answers: 22
Last Update: June 2, 2017
Visitors: 2056
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22/f, 29/m
Our relationship is a bit complicated. We had a lot of problems in the relationship due to trust issues. He broke my trust several times. He lied to me, hid things from me, and said things to his ex-girlfriends that he shouldn't have said. Because of that, it caused me to be anxious and insecure in the relationship.
He broke up with me a few times last month in December and the official break up with on New Years Eve. He told me that he still loved me and that maybe later on, we could try again. We even agreed that neither of us would date anybody in January and he even wanted to keep seeing me from keep me from moving on. I was feeling very conflicted and confused from what he was saying and doing. He would tell me one thing, but he'd hide every trace of me on his Facebook page, or add a cute girl on Facebook, talk his his ex-girlfriend (not inappropriately, though). And I'm feeling really lost. I had to ask him directly and told him that if he was trying to have his cake and eat it, too, that's not okay.
We were trying to work towards me pressing the "Reset button," meaning that we pretend that we never dated and to start over. I have been trying to work toward that, but the fact that he added another girl on Facebook just told me that he was reverting back into his old behaviors. I had to speak to him about this last night. I told him that if we were trying to start new, we can't make the same mistakes that happened that placed us in our current place from before. He understood, apologized, and said that he'll stop.
But as the conversation continued, he understood everything that I was saying but he was being really negative about the whole situation. He admitted that he was being negative and pessimistic, but he was being realistic. He told me that he's having a hard time because he feels guilty being with me because of the things that had happened between us a year ago. He loves me but he can see a better future without me and can imagine a better fresh start with someone else (not having anyone in particular in mind). He ended up bringing up little issues like him shaving his beard may make a difference in our relationship. At this point, I thought that he was just trying to think of any little thing he could think of to keep us apart.
I was frustrated. Because I'm the one that has depression, but I was the only one who was being optimistic. I told him that I was trying to move on from the past, and I wanted him, too. He said he does and that was the reason why he broke up with me in the first place. And became more confused and asked him does he just want to completely give up then and if he does, he needed to tell me now so I wouldn't try so hard for no reason. And he said, "I don't know," and that he just knows that he was happier in other relationships than in ours and that it was his fault.
It was a constant cycle. I pretty much clarified that I was willing to press the "reset button" and as long as the same mistakes from before doesn't repeat itself, I feel like things would be a lot better. I tried to be optimistic and realistic about the situation knowing that it may not work, but I feel like if we worked hard enough and he was more positive, things will get better. We confirmed that he does think negatively and him thinking negatively will affect any chance we will ever have together. However, it doesn't seem like he's willing to change those thoughts. He admitted that there could be a slim chance of us working, but he doesn't feel like the prize at the end of it is worth it. He told me that he'll TRY to be more positive and that he sure he won't make the past mistakes again... but that's the most I can ask for right now.
And that breaks my heart. I wasn't much of a cause of what put us here. It just told me that I could do everything right and still fail at a relationship. I don't know what to say, what to do, or what to think. I'm trying my best and it doesn't seem like he wants to try. When I ask him what he wants to do, he doesn't give me a direct answer.
What now? (link)
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You will know when Mr right comes along, don't sell yourself short, u r a wonderful person,an you deserve the best. Billy
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So I asked a previous question about my brothers who were constantly coming into my bedroom when I wanted to be alone, and how I had difficulty getting them to leave.
A lot of the answers I got suggested getting a lock on my door. A couple mentioned that them coming in when the door was closed was a way for them to try and see me in a state of undress.
I talked to my brothers and my mom about this, not quite so directly, but....
The result is that the boys have to knock if my door is closed, but that I am only supposed to close the door if I am a)changing; b) sleeping; or c) doing homework and want quiet.
So they have been pretty good about that. They haven't just waltzed in when the door was closed. However, they still take an open door as an invitation to come in. I leave the door open so that I won't get in trouble with my dad, but it doesn't mean that I want company!
Today I was sitting in my room after school, just trying to relax and get my mind off of school and stress for a few minutes.
My 15 y/o brother came in through the open door, so I told him that if he wants to come in he has to ask, and told him I would like him to leave. He said "that's not very nice".
I told him that I found it an invasion of my privacy to just walk in, and that I didn't appreciate it, and that I shouldn't have to ask nicely for him to respect my wishes every time he goes against them.
He said "if someone says something mean, that doesn't make it okay to say something mean back"
I left that statement unanswered, and went back to my previous point, saying he didn't have permission to be in my room, and asked him to please leave me alone.
He just looked at me, then at the wall. I asked him a couple more times, trying not to sound upset, but inside I was seething, because he blatantly ignored my request for him to knock, and he ignored me asking him to leave. I was about to ask my mom to get him out, when he finally left...
What do I do? I don't appreciate that they take my door being open as an invitation to enter, or that it takes so much effort on my part to get them to leave... (link)
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You should have a lock on your door any way ,that will solve all your problems.billy
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