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Depression and job
I notice no one gave me any advice for my post the other day. I could use the advice. Guys, I need help. For some context, I am 18 in college for 3 days, and work 4 days. I have been battling depression and feel miserable at my job. I have been stuck between 2 places. I either need to ask for ADA reasonable accommodation or that requires a professional diagnosis but I honestly want just to quit. I desperately need accommodation so I can take extensive breaks or work less. I can't go to school Monday-Wednesday and work Thursday-Sunday. on top of keeping my grades up and taking driving lessons. My mental health has been tanking after 8 months of relative happiness now I feel miserable and have thoughts of ending myself(here and there, this is NOT frequent do not worry). No, before you ask, I can't take more breaks as my boss is on my fucking ass. I am depressed which means I lose interest frequently and feel very empty. I had two meltdowns at work. The first I cried and called my friend. The second I screamed at a co-worker and wanted to beat her stupid ass. I am a good student because I sacrificed my stupid mental health for it. Now I need a complete break from college and work how should I do that? I feel like I should quit
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You do not mention any Dr.s care in this whole thing. What I have learned in my life that is not widely talked about is that there are two types of depression. The word depression means something is being pressed down low or like a gauge of fluid in your car, if too low or totally out. Some fluids like being out of oil and not ever replenishing it will mean your engine grinding to a halt, being damaged and the car no longer works. Well it happens to humans too. Only instead of oil running out, something called our 'feel good hormones' can run dry. In many people, our bodies create these feel good hormones which are needed to handle the 'stress' of every day life. Without it, the stress will eventually end up using all the hormones meant to help you deal with stress. One depression is when you have not replenished the hormones used up if your body is able to create them. There are some people born with this part missing, not being able to create their own feel good hormones. That is what is called clinical depression. That is the kind people need to take artifical, man made meds to replace the missing hormones. Now in people whose hormone creating works, but they never do anything to nudge their body into creating more and replenishing the used up supply, Drs. are treating the same as clinically depressed people which is not the same thing. I am going into this because you need to know this all to find out if you have clinical depression. those puts on meds when their body has ability to make it, just messes with the body. Thing is, according to my studies by reading some books by a psychologist turned teacher and writer, I know that he found most people do not have clinical depression, only a few. So to fill up on "oil" or for a human a fill up of hormones to help you deal with daily stresses, we must replenish our feel good hormones every day in some way. Now you should be wondering how that is accomplished. Its quite simple, too simple to sound like a medical cure for a condition but it is true. One of my daughters years ago got depressed from a boyfriend dumping her. She is not usually a depressed person but her situation used up more hormones than she could produce quick enough. So this is called a situational depression, a person who does create their own hormones but the stressful situation is so overwhelming, it used up all the hormones in reserve and then due to feeling depressed, the person doesn't do the simple silly things to build it back up. My daughter didn't trust me but went for one free visit thru her job to see a psychologist who could tell from her story that hers was a situational depression. For all I know, perhaps once upon a time, some terrible situation occurred in your life, the reserves were drained, and once drained, the depression made you not feel like doing the very things that could help. So the Dr. sent my daughter home with a list that matches what I have found on line and in the books I've read. Here it is: Hugs-not just a light hug or barely there hug but the full out bear hug that lasts longer than a few seconds. That action is one thing that starts the body raising the levels of feel good hormones, excercise can do it too, not something real hard if body building but general exercise with some kind of movement, whether walking, running, dancing, even skipping like little kids used to. I am a grandma now but if I feel I need it, I will skip for as long as I can before going breathless, but laughing all the way, as I imagine how silly I look. I like to dance so that comes in with listening to a song where the melody (not the lyrics) is something that in previous times hearing it, have always made my heart feel as light as a balloon and it was just flying up and out of my chest. Thats the best I can describe it in explanation. For me, that one favorite melody that does it for me is the song "Clocks" by Coldplay. Its not the words, but the melody that works that magic on me. There is study on the kinds of sounds and tones when repeated that are beneficial to people. You will hear of things such as the sound of gongs or crystal bowls that bring some help to people. Maybe more relaxed, maybe helping the body to function more smoothly. My sister took me to a gong therapy class. Lets just say that at the end, I did feel better even though I felt good before starting. There are Drs now that realize the majority of people who seem to have depression only need what they have gotten credentials to teach, and that is CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy. This can cover all mental health issues but even depression if non clinical. See, us humans tend to have most the issues or battles or hard times in our lives started all by how we are thinking. Negative thinking doesn't change you back to feeling the way you want, healthy. So they work with this and patients who say they have had depression their whole lives, are now finally free. The sad thing is the Drs who tell them they are clinically depressed and try to medicate when that is not really what their condition is. So how do you find out? You follow the list daily several times doing one or some of the things, music you listen to, sing along too, dance to, light exercise, hugs, meditating was on the list as well but doesn't work for me or others I've talked to, however it may for you. If you are doing all these things daily several times, for a week straight and you don't feel even a little better, then nothing you do will help the feel good hormone levels be replenished in you except to see a Dr. and get on anti depressants which are actually supposed to be man made replacement of the hormones that your body can't create. If you don't believe me, perhaps checking out the website of the psychologist I mentioned would help. So here's that: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location) and the Dr. is David D. Burns
I know I haven't addressed your concerns because I see trying other fixes are temporary or won't work because the depression is truly still there. None of all those issues you have would still be a problem if you go to the root of the problem. It is like getting hurt with cuts or scrapes, and not cleansing a wound or disinfecting it, but just slapping on a bandaid, that won't help and usually ends up infected. I remember having a pair of pretty Mary Jane style shoes as a child. Everytime I wore them, I would slip, fall and scrape a knee. I have a permanent scar on one knee from falling too many times. The root of the problem here would be the slippery material for the soles of those shoes. The solution would be to not wear them anymore which I figured out for myself as a child, and to this day, I won't buy a pair of shoes or boots that feel slippery underneath. Going to the root of the problems in your life is most likely your reserves beings all used up and not replaced. All people have stress in their lives, and handle the stress because of feel good hormones. No, feeling good isn't a magic thing that makes you laugh and be bubbly and smile. Thats more a character trait. You may still not be happy about something in your life, not wanting to smile but not smiling is not the same as depressed.
In the case, that working on building up your hormones doesn't work, it's time to see a Dr. and if I were you, and you have health insurance, no matter who your family Dr. refers you to, you can go to anyone you want that is within your insurance network. I am sure you'd be given the average psychologist to see, but what you want is one with the initials CBT after their name because only those Drs. understand there are two types of depression rather than only one. If you don't want to or have problems with trying the list on yourself to determine if you have the clinical kind, then still go see a CBT trained Dr. to determine whether its clinical or not. If you are clinical and have a Dr. who can provide documents stating so, and that medication helps a little, a lot or not at all, then you have something to show to DSHS in your state and city, thats Dept. of Social and Health Services. In case that means nothing to you, its where people go to get on food stamps for one thing. Perhaps a social worker can have an appt with you and with info from your Dr. determine if there are any accomodations, services or anything at all that can help you. Skipping a Dr. and going this step will not help. I used to do care giving for two different mentally challenged adults who took meds and had to go see their mental health Dr. regularly as well as periodical visits from their case worker with DSHS who also wanted to meet with me so I can verify my client told them the truth and didn't leave anything out. Such a person is what you would need. In my case, one client wanted to work although she didn't have to. So she had limited skills and abilities and also her 'melt down points" so a work counselor was assigned to help her find a job that was easy enough for her to handle by companies who don't mind hiring mentally disabled or other disabled people. The job counselor then works as a go between for the company boss and employee, helping out when employee can't seem to work things out in their job or don't understand. And if not a perfect fit, which happened, eventually find the right job for the disabled client. But you would need to be legally proven as disabled when there is nothing one can see disabling on the outside like missing limbs or such.
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