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Should I give cute office intern a chance?
I am trying to decide if I should give a chance (dating or sex, or both) to the male intern in our office who has an open crush on me, who I initially turned down when he so nervously but bravely asked me out, but who keeps proving himself such a gentleman and a better catch than I gave him credit for at first.
I think it was the age difference that made me discount him initially, but I feel like he shows more maturity and decency than any of the other guys in the office. I also find I have a growing attraction to him physically even though he has stopped officially pursuing me after I turned him down. He has admitted to others and shown me in many ways he still is crushing but just giving me my space.
Noah is 18 and will be 19 very soon. He is a single straight white male. He just finished his first year of college. I am 24 and the receptionist in our office. I am a single straight white female. He interned here last semester and just continued to show up 20 hours a week as a volunteer even though he is no longer getting academic credit. He has admitted to my supervisor it is 50 percent for the experience and 50 percent to just be around me.
It all started when I was getting anonymous secret admirer gifts on my desk. This would be things like my favorite items from the vending machines (a cranberry energy bar and pink lemonade), my favorite cherry yogurt from the deli, cute cartoon drawings of me, poems, and single tulips (my favorite). He was outed as the secret admirer about 3 weeks in when I walked back from the bathroom to discover him leaving a gift. He was so nervous it was priceless and I was very flattered.
When he asked me out a week later and admitted it was a crush and not game (which I already knew), I wish I would have said I would think about it instead of laughing and turning him down cold. He was in a depressed little funk for a while but when one of the guys gave him a pep talk he snapped out of it and went back to being his peppy adorable self and still leaves me random gifts but not every day. He has not asked me out again.
When I had to move this summer he and some other coworkers volunteered to help me. On moving day everyone had an excuse and bailed on me, except for Noah. He told me not to worry. He got one of my neighbors to help load the heaviest stuff and then one of my new neighbors to help him unload the heaviest stuff. I suspect he paid one of them out of his pocket. I packed and unpacked boxes and he loaded and unloaded everything. It took two days instead of one but he showed up both days in 100 degree heat. The only break he took was when it rained for a few hours. He got drenched securing the truck and ramp in the downpour and just laughed it all off like a day at the beach. He blew me away with his faithfulness and devotion. He was patient. He never complained. He even assembled my new furniture and hung my art. I fueled him with food and water but on the end of the second night he ordered a pizza at his expense and asked if he could just “pretend” it was a date. So we ate pizza in my new apartment for his “pretend” date. It was very sweet.
His heroics moving me were only a part of my change in attitude toward him. I know this is shallow but I might as well be honest. Very quickly with the incredible heat he ended up taking off his tshirt and it never ended up going back on and he did not even bother with one the second day. I always thought of him as a handsome clean-cut boy, but I found Noah has a very manly killer body of skinny muscles he was hiding under his dress shirt and necktie all along. He says he is not an athlete but he does run for exercise and does some program of isometrics. Watching him get all sweaty while he was flexing and moving things was slowly turning me on and I thought about asking him to stay the night. He was self-conscious at first when my neighbor teased him rudely about not having any body hair and made some joke about not going through puberty but I told Noah he looked yummy and smooth was “in” (to which he grinned and blushed). There was some obvious flirting between us over the two days and he lingered each night but I gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked him to his uber both nights.
We had a funny moment when he made a joke and I pretended to be mad and poked him in his bare chest while I was pretending to tell him off and he flexed his pecs. You could tell he was turned on by it and it was awkward. So I played it off and kept jabbing him really hard and telling him flexing his pecs does not make him tough. He kept flexing and took like 6 jabs and then started laughing and backed away from the poking, rubbed the spot, and said he would have a bruise.
So now I am having fantasies about Noah the intern and his flexing pecs and having him carry heavy things for me. I am having fantasies of running in the park with him and getting him all sweaty again or seeing him do something in the rain. I bought him a Dasani water several times now (his favorite) and left it on his worktable. He just smiled at me like I had given him a winning lottery ticket. He is acting normal in the office just his friendly self, still delivering single tulips and other treats, but I am the one admiring him now.
I judged him on his age and took his politeness and shyness as not being manly or mature. I realize now he is just a decent young man. I now listen to him ask questions and watch him learn new things and I realize how smart he really is. He always dresses to impress even when the other guys turn into slobs on casual Fridays. He knows the tasks I hate and does them without asking or telling me (I just discover them done). He does not curse or make crude jokes or talk about others behind their back. And even though he probably wanted me to invite him to spend the night and I was thinking about it, he shows no grudge, did not try anything inappropriate, and seems just as determined as ever to shower me with attention. His vulnerability is extremely sexy – especially mentioning a “pretend” date to let me know he was still into me.
Using him for sex would be very easy but obviously unfair and wrong. I also think my feelings for him are potentially deeper. I know he is just a college undergraduate and we are at different phases in life, but is 6 years really too much? Is it possible? Is it practical? He still lives in a dormitory. Technically he is an adult, but he is a teenager too. On the other hand, he is more mature-acting than most of the older men I know. He will be behind me in terms of career and income at first, but should that be an issue? He seems like a hard worker and he is smart enough he will end up finding something solid. He says he wants to be a CPA someday which shows some ambition. It would sure be nice to actually date a guy who is as thoughtful and selfless as Noah. Part of me also feels like I want to reward him for his perseverance. Maybe a test date? Just to see how it goes? I think everyone in the office is still rooting for him. What do you think? Should I join Team Noah?
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Although he sounds like one in a million in how great and mature he is, the first question on my mind is "What are the office rules on dating coworkers?"
Its not often that younger men go after older women but my 2nd husband was like that, at 19 getting hit on by older women when he worked at a restaurant. He had always admired older women. As women get older, they can gain more self confidence and men find that sexy. So you never know, it might just be a one person thing where he liked you first, not that you were older or he may find girls his age to be tiring, too dramatic, shallow, low self image, etc. 5 or 6 years is not a big difference when an adult and older. It is a big deal if you're 15 and want to date a 10 year or 9 year old. Then it is a bad idea. My parents were 9 years apart. I couldn't tell growing up. Noone else could either and wouldn't know it if they didn't reveal it. As a young married person, I saw a gal I knew get married to a guy 9 years older than her. And the couple who owned the first house we rented as a married couple (with my ex) was an age difference of her 6 years older than him and looking at them, you couldn't tell. If an age gap is much bigger, 15 years or so, you can meet people whom you have difficulty connecting with as far as a meeting of the minds. Happened to me after my divorce, befriended a guy who says he was looking for friends and tho younger, his friends tend to be older as that is where he felt happier. He was into older women but didn't tell me and one day what I saw in his eyes told the truth. So we were friends with benefits for a short while. He had no idea what things were that I made references to, from childhood. He was almost my oldest childs age, so a different generation and I didn't understand things he talked about which disappointed him and eventually it ended when he found a gal closer to his age. There is no problem with you being ahead of him. The only thing to look out for, you don't have to now....his buying gifts to show how much he likes you, is one way a guy gets a gal to accept him thinking he is really nice. However he not only proved himself by showing how great attention he paid to what you like, but when it came to something a bit harder, he was there to help you move. Its watching to see him consistently doing the right thing when you can rest assured it is not fake to win you over, but the real thing.
Now he is young and has not had much chance to learn things in life about relationships yet although he's not doing too bad now. I would say the only caution is for you to make a list of what qualities you are looking for in a guy. Then you will meet with the guy in question and give him a chance to prove himself....much like you being your own HR dept, interviewing for the position of Boyfriend. You also should think of the future. At your and his age, people are still just young adults and most bigger changes happen when people reach 30 or older so who an adult is right now may not be the same as they will be in 10, 12 years. I know I have changed lots, even in some very important things like going from introvert to extrovert, changes for the better in spiritual be liefs, changes in my standing on politics, and the list goes on. Those are big things. Is the person he is now, who he will still be in later years. We kinda all take that chance but age plays a big part with the age bracket you're both in right now. Spending time as friends, hanging out, or call it a dating of sorts might be a good idea. See how consistent he still is once he thinks he has won you over. Don't lose yourself and fall for him until you are very sure. Sure, I have had sex with several guys while dating, and recommend it to happen at least a couple times so you get a feel for what kind of lover the guy is. There either is a chemistry or there isn't. And to be sure its not just the excitement of something new, New relationship energy, its best to wait longer enough for the newness of a relationship to wear off so you know what you are left with if planning to stay long term. NRE, new relationship energy, is good at looking like the real thing of being in love with a person, but its more like being in love with the idea of dating rather than the person you date. If he is really what you say he is, then its worth spending the time. Whether you take the 2nd step and become physical is up to you, but I would recommend it as a helpful info. situation besides being enjoyable.
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