|
How does one deal with living with a messed up illness?
How does one deal with an illness that is so depressing, that you'd rather be dead than live with this shit?
My thing isn't gonna kill me, but, I may end up killing myself because of it. A year or 2 ago, I was planning on it, I even had a bridge picked out to jump off of. Its fucked up, I don't want to be in that mental state again. It could cost me my life. Now things are better, (location and financially) but now that this fucked up disease reared its ugly head again, after it was gone for a while, Those ugly, destructive thoughts are coming back. Back then, I didn't do it because it would crush my mom if I killed myself. But my mom is dead now, so I dunno, I'm kinda scared of what I might do to myself if this disease keeps with me.
So I guess my question is how do people do it? as in, living a full life with a fucked up disease? This isn't like, life altering/crippling or anything. But even if its not all that bad as some people. its more than I can handle. This makes me want to be dead more than anything I've faced. Things worked out in such a way that I got a break, for a while, now its back and I dunno what to do. I take pills, which worked for a while, but I guess not anymore. I'm more afraid of me ending my killing myself over it, than the damn disease. Anyway, I guess that's it. thanks for listening.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Here's what you do. Visit an ER and tell them exactly what you told us. You are in crisis and having suicidal thoughts and in a bad place. You need a mental health team to help you because you are very unwell. If you are scared and know that none of these thoughts, actions are right then you know that you have to visit a hospital and have the psychiatrists on call there put you on a hold for 72 hrs and figure out what to do and give you your life back.
You mentioned several times here that you have a disease that you can't live with. I'm reading behind the lines here thinking that you have been diagnoses before with a mental health issue and nothing seems to be working with medication or otherwise. If this is the case you need to tell your doctor exactly what is going on and that what they have prescribed is not working.
You are as I said in a crisis and need to seek help immediately at a hospital. Enlist people you trust to take you there and help you with this. You will be happy in the end that you have. Your life whether you can see it yet or not has meaning and you are special and valued by those you know. Please get medical attention. Your world will become a lot better if you do. The thoughts you are having aren't normal and are big signs of this.
]
My best advice is find another reason to live, I honestly would be dead if I haven't found someone that has kept me together through the hardest part of my life. I don't have a diagnosed illness although I am highly suicidal because I lack stability. I actually lack stability so much that I could be on a small scale and without my support I could cause huge self harm. How I manage is kinda little unrecommended by the pacifist types, although I mostly just act to stay out of therapy so I can feel normal because me facing a person who is paid to tell me pacifist stuff I know is a load of bull to me. It is probably pretty bad that I only have one person when I'm constantly surrounded, although it is the only person who doesn't judge like others and keeps me from taking the leap. Maybe you just need a new person to help you learn to live. I used to have three people although one died and one I'm not on speaking terms because they are sisters and our families are not on speaking terms. I also listen to music, that calms me through a lot so that is my other option. Music is meditative so if you can find a good beat that can help. It's like going to another person's world without talking, I'm not found of talking.
]
More Questions: |