Member Since: December 5, 2021
Answers: 2
Last Update: December 8, 2021
Visitors: 414
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How does one deal with an illness that is so depressing, that you'd rather be dead than live with this shit?
My thing isn't gonna kill me, but, I may end up killing myself because of it. A year or 2 ago, I was planning on it, I even had a bridge picked out to jump off of. Its fucked up, I don't want to be in that mental state again. It could cost me my life. Now things are better, (location and financially) but now that this fucked up disease reared its ugly head again, after it was gone for a while, Those ugly, destructive thoughts are coming back. Back then, I didn't do it because it would crush my mom if I killed myself. But my mom is dead now, so I dunno, I'm kinda scared of what I might do to myself if this disease keeps with me.
So I guess my question is how do people do it? as in, living a full life with a fucked up disease? This isn't like, life altering/crippling or anything. But even if its not all that bad as some people. its more than I can handle. This makes me want to be dead more than anything I've faced. Things worked out in such a way that I got a break, for a while, now its back and I dunno what to do. I take pills, which worked for a while, but I guess not anymore. I'm more afraid of me ending my killing myself over it, than the damn disease. Anyway, I guess that's it. thanks for listening.
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My best advice is find another reason to live, I honestly would be dead if I haven't found someone that has kept me together through the hardest part of my life. I don't have a diagnosed illness although I am highly suicidal because I lack stability. I actually lack stability so much that I could be on a small scale and without my support I could cause huge self harm. How I manage is kinda little unrecommended by the pacifist types, although I mostly just act to stay out of therapy so I can feel normal because me facing a person who is paid to tell me pacifist stuff I know is a load of bull to me. It is probably pretty bad that I only have one person when I'm constantly surrounded, although it is the only person who doesn't judge like others and keeps me from taking the leap. Maybe you just need a new person to help you learn to live. I used to have three people although one died and one I'm not on speaking terms because they are sisters and our families are not on speaking terms. I also listen to music, that calms me through a lot so that is my other option. Music is meditative so if you can find a good beat that can help. It's like going to another person's world without talking, I'm not found of talking.
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My long distance boyfriend of 2 years is often losing himself. He has numerous mental disorders, and struggles with them daily. He often provokes fights when he drinks and generally has a lot of anger that builds up. This weekend, he is going to a party and so am i, he wants to get smashed and talked about this one asshole he wants to beat up, he also said he might kill him. Knowing him, he will, he wont hesitate if he wants to. But i also wanted to drink and im not sure if i should or stay home incase something happens to him. (link)
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I'd advise you to stay home, if you know he is unstable and is planning to drink it might be best to make or create an excuse. There is also a couple options for his disorders. The most direct answer would be leaving him, I know this might seem hard after two years, although maybe he will return with his act together you never know. The second option is to get him help from specialists. They might be paid to do their job although they do sometimes work as a person to confide in and they study to help people. Then again be careful with this some people need a different kind of help than therapy. My third recommendation is not exactly recommended as a response people will often tell, although sometimes people just want people to let them work things out themselves. Act normal although show signs of care and see if you can motivate him to do better without being direct or letting him know. If he calls you out though it can be bad, although sometimes people need to figure things out themselves and anyone with them are just needed to help him find out what that is while he's on his way.
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