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my mom told me something last night and I can’t get it out of my head
hey! I am a 12 year old girl. Last night my mom and I were talking about stuff and the conversation made it’s way over to s*x. she said a bunch of things and I found out that my parents still have s*x.
I’m honestly not sure WHY I’m so freaked out about this, but it makes me really uncomfortable to think that they still do it. I didn’t really know that people do it for joy, and to show love to the other spouse, I just thought that god made it to make a baby. Once you have that baby, it was done and done. Haha I was wrong i guess.
So I guess my dad uses a condom or whatever that is, and that freaks me out. Just thinking ab it freaks me out to be honest.
I cried myself to sleep last night while listening to Jules Leblanc :) I shouldn’t be this upset about it and I honestly don’t know why I am. It’s just weird thinking about that the bed that I’ve sat on many times before my parents were having s*x.
I am still upset about it and I just need to figure out why. I don’t want to think about this day and night, 24/7/365. any ideas?
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Haha yes sex is very pleasurable so older people including your parents will keep having sex. Guessing puberty hasn't hit you very hard yet since you're not feeling horny. But when it does happen, you will need release to stay healthy and sane, which is another reason you're parents have to keep doing it. Just try not to think about them doing it if it freaks you out haha.
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Hey there. First off, I totally get what you're saying, and it's more than ok to take a breath and kind of process what's just happened. As to why you feel the way you do, I don't know if I can answer that for you, but I can tell you that it is a 100 percent normal, ok and justified reaction. There is nothing overdramatic or psychologically wrong with what you are feeling.
You are 12, and you have just been given a lot of information. This information has maybe been life-changing. It might be causing your sense of security and your sense of self, to feel damaged. That is why I think just feeling supported and feeling confident that your feelings make sense, is key to healing from this.
As to the why, I think that's a very deep question. Maybe the answer will eventually come to you in a bright flash of inspiration, but it might take some time. It might help just to gain time and distance from it, maybe knowing that you might feel a little different for a long time. Self-acceptance is never a bad thing, especially when you're this young!
I'd encourage you to do whatever makes you feel safe, whether that's talking to those you love and feeling their support, or trying to reflect on things in your own space. Both are totally fine. More than anything, the worst thing you could possibly do is feel like there's something wrong with you, so just don't do that. :)
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I have news for you your grandparents are having sex. Sex is normal and healthy and in your parent's case signs of a strong relationship which believe me not a lot of adults have or still do 12 years later.
I think the problem is not with them having sex but with your hangups of it being gross or dirty or something they shouldn't be doing. That's something you need to work on. It really shouldn't freak you out but now is the time to think about why. Does it really make any difference? I mean you weren't aware of it before but now they've been open about it?
It doesn't make them dirty or awful so you have to put it in perspective. Love doesn't always have to be present when it comes to sex but is in this case and that's a great thing.
I think you need to talk to them about what you know and don't know about sexuality and see that it's an okay topic and thing to know about. No doubt they have questions and concerns about the kind of education you have about it or aren't receiving. Talk about being freaked out or embarrassed about being told.
Really, there's nothing to worry about but it's indicating it's time to really have open dialogue with them about it. There's a reason they told you about this to let you know that everybody at some time will do this and it's natural. They want you to be as open as they are being with you about the topic and what you have picked up about it on your own. That's all no doubt.
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Wow this takes me back to when I was 10 and Mom told me. While I wasn't disturbed enough to cry, I found the whole thing very gross. I didn't even like the idea of kissing a guy. A few years later it didn't bother me anymore. I think the reason is that I wasn't in puberty yet cus once those hormones starting flowing and changing my body, I was finally able to understand why people would want to even have sex,(although I abstained until I married at 20.) I don't know if no puberty is the case for you but if it is, then you understand that you don't feel certain feelings when you see a guy you like because your body hasn't developed to that point yet. But 12 is a good time for the talk. Some parents are really squeamish about even kissing in front of their kids. So on further thought, my parents never kisses, or showed loving pats toward each other or cuddles or hugs. I never saw anything that suggested even romance and loving each other or wanting closeness with each other. That alone can make it hard to reconcile in your mind the parents doing anything in bed. So I had that to deal with too. Not all parents have the best sex life and some do quit having sex by time their kids are your age. It shouldn't be that way. If a senior citizen couple are still physically able to do that, they will if they are very close and loving. So give it time and you'll warm up to the idea as not being so icky but a part of life for more than having kids. As an adult I choose to not try and picture couples nude and having sex. I have grown children and I never allow my mind to go there because I don't want to limit any ways I know somebody to get fixated on something that is none of my business. Thinking on it, won't change my relationship with the people, or even with parents. There is no reason to allow sex to completely fill your mind in a bad way and keep you from peace and what you have to do daily.
Your subconscious mind will think you focus on these thoughts because its something you really like. So to stop that, take the next couple days and whenever such thoughts of sex come up and you do not want to think of them, you talk to yourself inside your head. Its easier for me when I gave a name to my subconscious, anything like Cathy or Linnea, regular girl names. Then each time such a thought pops up, immediately tell your subconscious that you do not want to think about this anymore. It will go away only to come back in ten minutes or less, or more, hourly all day. Your subconscious simply is having a hard time breaking this habit, thats all. Doesn't mean its not working. Keep at it the next day and you will see you don't have to remind your subconscious as often until in a couple days, it doesn't happen much at all or has stopped. But its lots of work getting this to stop because you Have To remind your subconscious right away each time for this to work. Good luck dear.
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