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Husband and in-laws problem (Indian)
Being the only child of my parents, I was reared up in a very gender neutral environment. My parents are very broad minded and liberal. They have never stopped me from doing anything in life. They are very encouraging and supportive. On the other hand, my in-laws are very Orthodox and selfish and male-chauvinistic.Its been a year now that I got married to their son and they are constantly trying to dictate over my life.They wants me to observe some Indian hindu religious rituals on daily basis.I made it clear once that I am a secular person and won't observe them. They got offended and rebuked me by saying "it's irrelevant what you believe and don't. You had rights over your faith system when unmarried. Now that you are married and the head of the family is your father-in-law,you are bound to do what he says".I didn't respond to his tyrannical way of speaking because my parents has taught me to show respect to my elders.But I made the point clear with my husband and he was not very supportive at first but with time he stopped bugging me.But my in-laws haven't stopped it completely. Whenever they get a chance they try to belittle me and my thought process and sometimes humiliate my parents also by not giving importance to what they have to say.In a word, my in-laws and husband and his sister suffer from some kind of superiority complex, as my F-I-L is an ex-IAS officer(Indian Administrative Service, higher rank), and my husband is a Oxford-Cambridge master's and PhD holder, so they suffer from excessive proud and high self-esteem.They don't show respect to other humans whatsoever. They think they are always right in every aspect of life and they don't require any correction.In several occasions my husband raised hand on me.I told that to his mom.But she did nothing, not even reprimanded him for such act.She wants me to cook and take care of her son but it seems she isn't concerned about my well-being, not at all.However, my husband wants me to pursue my career and he himself applies so many places for my PhD and helps me with my career so genuinely.But he continues to abuse me both mentally and physically for not conceding his opinions and forces me into mending things with them and behave normally.If it wasn't for USA, I would have left him long ago.But I am stuck in the USA with him and have no means to go back to my parents right now due to COVID-19 situation. He turned me into a violent person let alone a better person. My health is deteriorating and I am diagnosed with clinical anxiety and depression.His behaviour with me seems normal to his parents and they don't see any inhumanity in it as they also are like this.I am literally tormented.What should I do?
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My Dear, It all sounds awful. And it will get worse when you have children. I am afraid your husband will always side with his parents over you. Your husband will come first, then the kids, and you will always be last. It is a very old fashioned marriage you have. I am American born, but I have read a lot of books about life in India, and how women are treated. How the caste system works. And your right it is awful. What do your parents have to say? Since you have a diagnosis of your current physical and emotional condition, then you have seen a doctor. Can you confide in that person? But you are here in the USA. SO you have rights here, that you may not have in your country, where I assume your parents are. And they may support you, but you know how all of your relatives and your husband's relatives will think of you. It won't be easy. But I think you should leave him, you should divorce him and you should NOT have any children with him, as you may leave later in the future, and you won't be able to see the kids. It won't be easy, but what is the alternative? Living like this for the rest of your life? I wouldn't do it. I got a divorce from my first husband, and I had two small boys. It was almost 30 years ago now. My life was so much better. You have an education, get yourself out of there and get a position, and go to work and support yourself. If you have any relatives from your parents side of the family, living in the US, go to them, and start your life over. The first step is the hardest. Good luck to you.
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