|
Wanting to do some Day Trips
Hello. My name is Brian Hardy. I am twenty-seven years old and I live in Danville, California. I am having an issue that I want to discuss:
I have Asperger’s Syndrome and anxiety, so my parents made me undergo eight weeks of therapy at Rogers Behavioral Health. On the weekend of October 19/20 of last year, my parents took me on some day trips as my reward for completing eight weeks of therapy at Rogers Behavioral Health. I went to San Francisco on October 19 and Carmel, Monterey, and San Jose on October 20. We visited the Museum of Ice Cream and SFMOMA on Saturday and we walked around Carmel and visited Selfieville, Santana Row, and the Winchester Mystery House on Sunday. However, it was not enough for me. My friend Olivia was in Half Moon Bay, so I could not go to Daly City to visit her. My mother's cousin Ferrell and his wife Molly (who live in Carmel Valley) were on vacation in Yosemite, so we could not visit them either. My cousin Jared's sister-in-law Annie (who lives in Marina) was participating in a race, so I could not see her. I wanted to watch the race to support Annie, but my parents were against it. Plus my parents never want to see my former neighbors Dave and Janet (who live in Pebble Beach) because they have not really reached out to us and Janet is allergic to animals. My parents did not want to visit Pebble Beach, which is a place that I really wanted to visit. Plus I did not get to visit Lover's Point Beach in Pacific Grove either. My father was originally going to attend the Cal bears football game in Berkeley on October 19 and I proposed that I take BART from San Francisco to Berkeley, meet him for coffee at Peet's, and then go to Piedmont to visit my grandparents and maybe meet up with my mother in Lafayette for dinner on the way home, but my father was against me coming and he ended up watching the game on television and visited my grandparents without me. I also did not get to have breakfast at Sam's Diner in San Francisco on Saturday nor breakfast at Bill of Fare in San Jose nor the Village Pantry in Los Altos on Sunday. Plus we could not stop in Santa Cruz on the way to San Jose, so I could not visit Petite Provence in Capitola nor the Boardwalk. I would like to recreate this weekend and do the activities that I missed, but I am not sure when I can do it because of this coronavirus outbreak. I may sound selfish and ungrateful, but I still want to redo the whole weekend over again. I keep browsing through photographs that I took that weekend to imagine myself recreating it in my mind, but it does not help.
On top of it all, I am finding my parents to be very ill-tempered and argumentative. For example, back in October of last year, my parents took me to Carmel as my reward for completing eight week of therapy at Rogers Behavioral Health. On the way down, me and my parents had a big heated argument. I do not remember what prompted the argument, but my father had a major explosive temper tantrum and he threatened to drive back to Danville, which really scared me. When we got home that night, my mother told me: "You are never satisfied." I find my parents to be completely insatiable. I can compare my father to Adolf Hitler and my mother to Aileen Wuornos. What should I do about this?
Please tell me how I can resolve these issues.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Miscellaneous category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Activism?
With the outbreak, it is safer to not travel at this time of course and its sad you didn't get to see people on the last trip but seeing them now could possibly transmit the disease from them to you or your family to them.
I assume you live at home and parents are your caregivers. Thats hard on a parent if they not only raise a child who is different from the norm but are now looking after you as an adult. I don't know if or how many Asperger people end up adults on their own and suppose it depends on how bad a version you have of Aspergers. My own husband is on the spectrum too but found ways to deal with it and there are only a few telling things that givc a hint he has it. So I can understand some how hard it may be for you. The anxiety I can identify with. As a little child, I always had social anxiety and that made school hard for me. My Dad was outgoing, Mom shy, so in my senior year at High School, I decided I would not be able to navigate adult life with that, I'd be crippled dealing with life. I prayed and followed what I heard God tell me to do and I was cured. Then 30 years later I find a book in the library written by a psychologist and it had to do with anxieties and how each one can be cured, but in different ways with each using a new method the Dr. first didnt believe but when he tried it on his patients, they all had great results and almost all cured of various mental issues. So I am guessing that perhaps dealing with your anxiety and getting cured so you are at least anxiety free would be a great help to you. Your parents have to see you able to get on well on your own, whether a trip to meet someone for lunch. I know thats not possible now and likely, Dr. meetings are not as well but when the coast is clear of Covid, it might be a good thing to try to find a psychologist who is trained in CBT which stands for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and works on a persons thinking, mainly the fact that our thinking can be very distorted, negative and that will affect our behavior. I dont know if your own Dr. is aware of this, is using some form of this on you already, but if not, it is worth trying. I know this doesn't help you now.
Once in a while, I do something on the computer, I call virtual touring and its second best to being there. I'll explain. This only works for areas and roads that have had satellite imaging done as well as videos of the views from a small road or a street. I was writing a story set in Wales in the UK. I chose N. Wales and began to explore the area I was writing about by bringing up a map. If you have looked at maps before, theres what I call the cartoon version, or the territorial one with trees and buildings visible from the air if you zoom in.
On this screen there will be a silhouette of a man which if you click and drag to place on a street, you will now see everything from street level as if you were there. And that is how I got to move through cobble stoned streets so narrow, that only one car could navigate at a time, there were no sidewalks and peoples front doors of their old stone buildings opened right onto the street. It was frustrating in seeing a park but not able to travel inside it as this is virtual photography only from roads a car can travel on. However it is better than nothing. If you know your Doctors name, You might try calling them yourself when the parents are not in listening distance and mention to the Dr. your concerns with your parents. He may not see anything wrong with them, or be unaware, but adult children unable to live alone on their own usually have a contact person inside the Social and Health services dept. I used to care give for mentally ill patients who were living on their own and they all had a contact person who helped them with whatever concerns they had. There's even one who specially checks out jobs that are simple and stress free for special individuals and are the go between if a person cant handle talking to their boss. It might be neccessary for family counseling, not just for you, so your parents can work out whatever is bothering them. I am sure for example they worry what will happen to you once they die some day.
So if you feel the parents are irrational, its likely due to some worries or stress of their own and unfortunately as most people do when worried or stressed, we take it out on any family close to us, under the same roof. Your parents are not likely to think they need a counselor right now but until they are seen, there is no way to know if the problem is with them, with you or a combination of both and how to treat these situations. Again, even a counselor should be someone with knowledge on CBT and any teachings of different things that can be done to make all things better than they are now. I am sorry I cant be of more help. MY own doctor appt was cancelled as the office is closed due to the Covid shutdowns. So you may not be able to see a counselor right away but its best to let those professionals do what they know best to help you and your family.
]
More Questions: |