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I’m worried I got in too deep...
So around 2 months ago one of my close friends from college introduced me to this guy. We started hanging out all the time and I enjoyed being with him. Someone who seemed to genuinely care. We started flirting, but I figured since he was friends with a lot of females he did that kind of thing a lot. I even told him that to his face. He kept telling me he didn’t and I kind of assumed he liked me as a friend. I’ve become friends with some of his friends and apparently he was telling the truth. I’m the only one he really gets they way with. A few days ago we were studying at my apartment together like we often do, and I accidentally tickled him so I took advantage of that since he always wants to tickle me. He ends up pinning my arms back and cornering me so I can’t do it and kisses me. I’m the type of person to not give things much thoughts and go with the moment so I kissed him back. It was just a simple kiss but it started happening everyday. As of last night the kissing got a little more intimate. He walked me back to my apartment since I don’t have a vehicle and he couldn’t move his due to the road being blocked off. There was just a huge party/event that happened on campus so he knew I didn’t want to walk back through that alone since it was dark and there were so many drunk people. It got really late and started feeling cold so he stayed over. Because of the cold my skin had been feeling more sensitive so I was more ticklish than I normally am (not normally at all) so now he started having fun with that. We were fooling around and simple kissing turned into French kissing almost all night. Anytime he would go to kiss me I wouldn’t think and just go along with it. He ended up sliding his hands down the back of my pants at the top of my butt or up my shirt towards my boob and I wasn’t ready to go that far so I carefully moved his hand and he felt terrible and was apologizing. He left at noon today and I can’t help but feel terrible things even got this far. I’m pretty sure I heard him say something about loving me while I was half asleep. I’ve only had feelings one time in my life and have distanced my feelings because of getting hurt. But now I might be doing that to someone else and I really don’t want that. He asked me out before and I said sure but I told him it concerned me because anytime some guy asked me out and we didn’t click, they wouldn’t want to continue being friends because it can be hard to be friends with someone you had feelings for. I’m worried it’ll definitely be hard for him to want to keep being friends with me now after last night. Our tongues were literally down each other’s throat all night basically. He said we will definitely always be friends before, but now I’m worried I got in too deep. I don’t want to lose anyone, but with school going on, relationships are way too distracting. What do I do?? I never intended to lead anyone on
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First off, If you are truly wanting to be friends with the guy.. Friends are Friends and not sexual partners. Now, If you want to work on a relationship with the guy, you need to establish boundaries. What kind of moves, touching and what not either is or is not comfortable for you.
If he respects your boundaries, great. Refrain from sleeping with him. Seriously, If you move too fast you may get your feelings hurt. Most guys today in time only want sex and not the relationship. The right guy will build the relationship then wait on the sex.
Best of Luck,
MisterAdvice101
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You need to first think about yourself, What are your wishes/goals for a future including a man in your life, a Significant other, just a friend to date and have the extra benefits with, or maybe you are looking ahead to after you graduate and want a husband and father to your children someday, just not now in school. He needs to know this. Sounds like a gentle man who will respect your wishes. Talk is the best thing for relationships. There is too little talk and lots of assumptions and thus hurt feelings over something imagined that doesn't exist.All the things you said to me, you can say to him. But before you do, you need to also be ab le to be clear in black and white, spell out for him what your ultimate goals are. So lets say you do want to marry after you graduate and have a kid in 3-4 years after. You would need to let any guy who dates you know whether he fits the criteria of what you are looking for in a guy. If you don't have such a list anywhere, then how will you recognize the guy you finally meet to be the one you want. If all you want is a male as a boyfriend only for social reasons, someone to hang out with, then he needs to know so he can make a decision if you are still whom he wants to hang with or not. Also, if you wish to marry someday, a guy would need to know because you can't assume each guy interested in you has the same wishes and wants to marry and is looking for their marriage partner. Worse is gals who married and kept hinting at starting a family but the guy was always stubbornly against having any kids at all and she didn't know because she didn't ask and is now married to a person with whom there is no compromise possible as there is no such thing as having a part time child of your own or half a child. I know that sounds silly but sillier is expecting your wishes to automatically happen with a guy of your choosing when he may not have a single darned thing is common with you on major and minor things, and only have the hots for you in bed.
If he had the hots for you, your guy would not have lingered long on kissing and gone for the whole enchilada. His giving you space when you pulled back is good, it means its very unlikely what he feels is just lust because most guys wouldn't wait that long and be that patient. So its possible he has feelings. And going too far is not naturally responsible for him having feelings but rather the feelings were there before any kiss and the attention he shows in kisses and touches is an outpouring of the love he has or what he thinks is love. People shouldn't count on how they feel in a kiss to know a person is right for them. I mean that excitement is sexual based and the only difference between a best friend and a life mate is the romance and sex. Even without having sex and only kisses to confirm for a person that there is indeed chemistry between them, a person can really know that someone is right for them and the kind of person to make a commitment to. There are young married couples living in their own apt near c ampus as one or both attend. And I can't see marriage as a distraction, however just dating is going to be big distraction because neither has the other locked in as their own partner for life, there's always the chance someone else could steal them away in time,there's the expectations, and the dreaming of situation of you and him together and how it would feel. Yes, the unknown territory and the excitement of something new can be very distracting. On the other hand
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