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what should I do about this guy who makes me beyond happy?
hi! I’m 17 (turning 18 in November) and I just moved to Texas from New York I’m in July and it’s been okay, only reason I like it here is because my sisters kids are here and I love them sooo much. other than that I’d rather be back in New York. Life for me was sooo simple and one of the main reasons I want to move back is because the love of my life lives there. I’m july after I moved this guy that has been in my class for 2 years in high school confessed that he liked me and I like him back. He’s everything I ever want in a guy. he’s 18 and goes to college in Albany. I would love love love to go back to ny and visit him when we are both off from college but the main issue are my parents. They would never let me go back to ny myself esp if it’s because I want to meet a guy. I want to move out when I’m 18 but I don’t have anything. They never let me work so I don’t have money. I don’t know how to drive. they made me completely dependent on them. i know I should cherish family and love them but they honestly cause me 90% of my stress. when I’m 18 though I’m gunna find a job and save up money. my plan is that I’m gunna save up money, finish college and if he is still willing to be with me after all that time then I will move back to ny or we will work something out but I’m sick and tired of my parents controlling everyyything I do. I want to be happy and this guy makes me beyond happy so why shouldn’t I be able to be with him. he’s the same religion as me and we both have the same values and morals. I might be too young to be in love or whatever but I want him I want to be with him. what should I do ?
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I just want to clarify some thing here for your benefit. You say he said he likes you. I don't know what like means to you but I will explain how certain words mean to me and then you will know what I am talking about. For me, liking is not as strong as loving. For example, I can say I like Asian food if asked where I want to go eat, but if I don't care which restaurant, then liking is good enough and I will be happy no matter where. If I have a favorite restaurant and already know I don't like the others, you could say I 'Love' a certain restaurant because of the way they prepare foods, maybe the atmosphere.
Lastly, between love and being in love, there is actually a difference. I have lived it. I married at 20 to a christian man who soon showed his real self after the wedding, he was verbally and emotionally abusive yet he could say he loved me.
I am now married a second time to a man who is in love with me. And there is a difference. This is what you are looking for if wanting to be with someone forever as your mate. To love means a person can love certain aspects of your character, talents but they don't love your whole self, the bad with the good, and instead of loving unconditionally, its conditional. So if just dating and getting experience to learn what you do and don't like in a guy, then it might be enough but for a life long commitment, in my case, it is not enough. I have experienced a world of difference with second husband. Together 10 years now and we are closer to retirement age but young at heart. We have a vibrant sex life that keeps on evolving and getting better. We like the same things and have same libido or sex drive. This is one thing important in the foundation of an important couple relationship. The other is being best of friends. A good f riend doesn't treat you like crap or likes you on again off again, You are always spoken to kindly, supported, complimented, special things done for you that you can do yourself, when you do something irritating to your partnet, they might let you know but with a smile and a chuckle, not tearing you down about it. It always comes out as a suggestion. The list goes on but hopefully you can recognize what a good friend in a romantic partner is like because you both will enjoy being together more, find mundane thoings more fun simply because of being with them.
So you decide if this is the real thing. Although they can happen, HS romances and love are very very rare to end up in marriage.
There is a reason for it that I'd like to explain next. You can look up the following on line, Frontal lobe development in teens. Scientists have studied the brain of adolescents and found that when the body has matured into its adult form, the frontal lobe of the brain is immature, not done growing and worst of all, isn't done until ones mid twenties. Yes you read that correct 25 or so. Thats about 7 years off. Whys its important, is that it helps with decisions making, seeing all the angles and especially the future consequences to any action you take. Its all missing until you get older. How you judge things too is not mature yet. Your parents may not have seen a need for you to drive living back in NY with all the subways.
Since you speak of visiting and possibly pursueing something with him later, after college, you will be closer to your mid twenties. How we think will change from whats important to us now and where we are later. I know it may not change for you, but your interests or ideas of what you really want and things you never thought important before, might be when a bit older. So theres always the chance that what you both like now, may not be as strong or enough for a couple relationship. You won't know until you are older. So if you go to visit him, thats one thing but before marriage, I would suggest setting up house together and see what he is like 24/7 because people can't hide anything bad traits about themselves when dating and seeing each other only on scheduled meet ups.
I understand about controlling parents. I knew a man who was ccntrolling to his wife, my friend and neighbor. Think Tyrant and you have the picture. I have heard from plenty of teens but mostly college aged people who say they are still stuck under the thumb of controlling parents.
I will tell you what I remind all of them, at 18, you are legally an adult and they can no longer tell you what to do. You do not have to have their approval for anything because obviously they are not going to approve of any of your choices if it doesnt line up with theirs. Then only thing they hold over you if living with them is offering you a place to live. Parents have told their kids to do as they say, even when 25 yrs old, or they will be kicked out of the house. Thats blackmail and a terrible thing but some parents are like that. And its their home and they have the right to kick you out, no matter what once you turn 18. If you don't want to end up beholden to their whims and demands, then it is best to think of getting independant sooner than going back to NY. If it takes you and three other girls who also want to escape their home and each pitches in to pay for an apartment, then once you are living out from under the parents roof, you will have opportunity to learn all the things they kept from you to keep you dependent on them. Don't listen to all their tales of what could go wrong. Block them on your phone and make sure it is your own, not theirs on a family plan or better yet, a new number, your own phone and service provider and don't give them the number. I know this is not about what to do about the guy as you turn 18, but gaining some experience now on living away from parents is way better than living under their thumb until the point you want to leave their home to go to NY. As you already know, they would be against that because they wouldn't have you around to control. They could pull out all the tricks and try things to sabotage your leaving. I understand about Honoring Mom and Dad but the Bible also talks about how to treat others, and controlling and holding them back are not Godly traits so feel free to leave them. When I left my unreasonable abusive ex, I couldn't get him to agree to a divorce so I was separated and met and began to live with the man I married. It took the ex 7 years to calm down, not be angry and willing to start divorce procedures. So your parents being how they are, It may take a long time of no contact with them before they come to grips with the fact that you have moved on with your own life.
Warning; If as a teen you have a settlement account, like from an accident, or any other kind of savings, your parents names will be on the account and if you don't get it switched over as soon as you turn 18 to just your name, they could take all that money. I know of people in their twenties who has a single parent with access to their account because the child helped pay bills but the parent abused it and should never have been on the account in the first place. So if you haven't thought of it, or choose to open your own account when you start work, do NOT let them talk you into putting their names on the account. They may kick you out for not putting their names on the account so if I were you, I would be lining up emergency living arrangments now, before you turn 18. If you attend a church, talk to the priest about it and perhaps there is someone in the congregation who will let you stay free until you land a job and then take a minimal fee to help with water bill, etc. My oldest simply wanted her independance but couldn't yet line up friends to rent together with so she asked at the church she attended and an older lady let her live in a spare room for close to a year before daughter was able to rent with friends. If you have girlfriends and know their parents, perhaps they have a spare room and could let you stay in the case you are given an ultimatum to do as the parents say are they are kicking you out. Even if you do not attend a church, try some of those closest to where you live and tell your story and ask for help there, in case the parents do kick you out so you have a back up place to go.
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